Upon leaving a beautiful and exhausting 10-day Training Camp for the World Race, I had my heart set on only 2 things: coffee and some much needed R&R. My little introverted and caffeine addicted self was on the verge of mental collapse so naturally, not 2 days after making the trip home, I found myself in a matinee with a mob of kids under the age of 10, eagerly awaiting the newest Finding Nemo movie. I was expecting a chance to shut off my brain for 2 hours and an excuse to eat 4 serving sizes of peanut M+Ms, but God still had one more lesson to teach me to tie a bow on the huge gift I had only started unwrapping at training camp. And it came in the form of a little blue fish.
If I have learned anything during my short time on this planet, it’s that God has an incredible sense of humor. Not unlike many people I’ve met over the years, humor ranks highly on my list of desirable characteristics that can be found in a person. Funny people always seem more grounded, more trustworthy, and quite frankly a lot more fun. There’s nothing like a well meaning joke in a tough situation to remind you to take yourself a little less seriously. I have a strong suspicion that humor isn’t lost on God and He brought a smile to my face during the climax of Finding Dory with His subtle and genius sense of humor.
Time to come clean- I’m one of those people notorious for taking themselves too seriously. I found myself completely emotionally and spiritually wrecked by our training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. Between the beauty, vulnerability (Lord, have mercy), and the inner healing going on in the hearts of our squad during those 10 days, I found myself pretty lost at sea. My natural inclination to think everything to death and try to make sense of it all had me running for the hills by the end of camp. I wanted the snow globe of my heart that had gotten so shaken up to have a chance to reset to zero so I could see the whole picture. At the end of the movie, God revealed something very mind- blowing and all the snow in my snow globe settled. And it’s this simple: He really loves me.
If you haven’t seen Finding Dory yet, this is your spoiler alert! I’m about to completely reveal the ending in a couple seconds…so here goes. In the movie, our lovable fish-friend Dory starts to remember her parents and goes on a great trans-oceanic quest to find them. Near the end of the movie, after some pretty harrowing scenes and adorably campy dialogue, Dory has lost Marlin and Nemo, thinks her parents are dead, and is alone in the open ocean. For the first time, she appears without hope- a scene that many of us can probably relate to in our own stories. She’s wandering and devastated, until she sees something familiar- a trail of shells leading just beyond her sight. This trail of shells brings her back to growing up with loving parents who came up with creative ways to lead her back home because of her short-term memory loss. As I’m sure you can guess, she follows the trail to find a little hut in a clearing on the sea floor with dozens of trails of shells leading in every direction as far as the eye can see. When she finds her parents there, she comes to learn that every day that she was lost, her parents went out making trails of shells trusting that one day she would come home.
This exchange between Dory and her parents brought on a tidal wave of emotion that took me a moment to organize. I was overwhelmed by the dedication and tirelessness that her parents possessed to go out every day, doing the same mundane task, in the hope that it would bring their daughter home. Sure, it’s just a cheesy animated movie; but I think it challenges us to look harder at the nature of love.
Sitting in my seat, I realized- Dory is every one of us and her parents are a beautiful depiction of the Father. How often can we look back on the collection of seemingly disconnected events and experiences in our lives and start to see a trail of shells leading to God and better things ahead? How often do we miss all the ways that our Heavenly Father tirelessly pursues our hearts with the trust that one day, we’ll wander home? And at the end of the day, we’re just like Dory the fish who really only left home because she forgot where home was.
I don’t know about you, but I’m constantly forgetting the goodness of God. I’m constantly wandering out at sea seeking something in the back of my mind that I can’t name. And while I wander aimlessly, feeling restless, God is laying a trail of shells at my feet. We truly have such a faithful Father who not only calls us home, but takes us back with joy. Watching Finding Dory revealed the trail of shells that He placed in my life to get me to the World Race. Going through training camp reminded me that His plans for leading me to mission didn’t stop once I said “yes”. They were placed one right after the other every second of my preparation, training camp, and will be there every day that I spend in South America. Training camp was the confirmation I needed to trust that He led me to apply for mission, had never stopped pursuing me since, and is never going to stop chasing me. All I ever really had to do was keep my eyes open.
The talks, incredible people, opportunities for healing and prayer, cultural immersion experiences, and even sleeping arrangements (hammocks in the rain, anyone?) were all shells. They were bringing me back, moment by moment, to help me fix my eyes on the journey ahead. God wasn’t angry that it took me so long and he wasn’t disappointed that I forgot him. He took me back in love and joy, knowing the whole time that it was only a matter of time before I found my way back again.
To anyone out there wondering if it’s too little, too late to come home- it’s never too late. He wants you and isn’t done with you yet. Coming back to God can stretch us in painful ways but from one little, blue fish to another: the journey is so worth it. And I can’t tell you how good it is to be home.
