So about a week ago I had a feeling of conviction. I really didn’t know what the conviction was about so I just ignored it. A few moments later I was asked some questions about my faith. Instantly I made something up. I felt so ashamed and then it hit me. I was being fake in my faith and that’s where my feeling of conviction is coming from. I told my teammates asap. A few days later we had our male squad leader show up. This was the first time we got to meet Zack, the squad leader. As I was getting to know him he said that he had gone through a similar thing that I was going through at the time while talking to Alyssa. Later that day I asked him to talk to me and he of course said yes. I told him that I felt like I had been fake in my faith my whole life. That I had just been faking my way through faith till I made it. When I was done explaining the way I felt he began to speak amazing wisdom over me. In a 15 minute talk he brought up things in me that brought to my face and that reaffirmed my belief as a child of God. When we were finished talking I asked him if he recommended any book in the Bible for me to read. He invited me to read through the book of John with him and we could meet up in the evening to do a Bible study. While reading the book of John a sense of joy has came over me. Not a normal type of joy though. It’s a joy on the inside that I can’t really explain in words. I am naturally a happy person but this new joy that I have found is a joy like no other. Another thing that Zack has invited me to do is look for something in my day that God is speaking to me every day and it has been very cool to see how he speaks to me in little everyday things. For example, like today I was sitting on the back porch of our host house and looked out at the mountain. I noticed a cliff and under the cliff was nothing but dirt surrounded by greenery. When I saw is I was like wow that’s awesome. At lunch that same day I sat down to eat and looked up and saw a dead tree in a gap of green leaves. I am still trying to figure out what this means to me personally but I am praying about it.
