So I think I do something that is good and bad all at the same time and I struggle to wrap my head around all of it sometimes. I also think it adds stress to my life sometimes.
I jump into things full heartedly which is great and awesome but at the same time I don’t always think about what I am jumping into. I think it is a struggle that I have to learn from and grow from even if it looks hard to do and my instincts will tell me just do it one more thing doesn’t hurt.
My sophomore year of college I did this a lot and I think it cost me some sanity and I think it made it very hard on me to control myself. I became this person who was just trying to do everything imaginable and I couldn’t say no to anyone. This added a lot of unnecessary stress to my life and it was hard to control. I was doing things that I wasn’t happy or excited about. I got confessed to having a sip of alcohol in backpacking class. For that, I got fired from my job. I continued to say yes into everything I could just to numb the pain because I didn’t own up to it when I should have. Christian community went down hill. I was angry with my life and I buried it deep with in me because that was the safest place for it to go.
Jesus was working through it all. I gave it all to him at one point and was granted grace and my anger wasn’t gone but it got better. I recently have decided to sponsor two children through Compassion International because giving that part of my life over to God right? But now I am realizing that I might not be able to sponsor them while in the mission field. So pray that I do not worry about that and that I trust God with that.
I do this A LOT and am slowly realizing that I cannot sustain this mentality because it wears me out and I become less affective for the kingdom of God. God calls us into something greater than this world I am slowly realizing that my desire to jump into everything is good and sometimes really good and sometimes it makes me concerned for my future witch isn’t good.
My prayer is that God continues to prune me and give me insight as to where I am not very healthy and prune this out of me no matter how much it hurts. I am Gods this world doesn’t control me.
Fundraising Update: letters are slowly being sent out. School has decided to throw itself at me and so the process is going slower than I was hoping to have it going. I am doing my best. I am shooting to get them all out by Thanksgiving. Tee shirts will hopefully be made by next week as well. Its been hard because of school and all that I’ve got going on.
