Fear is a funny thing. Some people are afraid of spiders, some are afraid of clowns, or flying, or even public speaking. But what is fear? Why do we experience it? Fear often does one of two things in our lives. It can motivate us into action to overcome or avoid the perceived threat in front of us, or it can immobilize us and prevent us from acting. And sometimes, even though we know that our fears are often times irrational, they can still keep us from the best things for us. And I can definitely tell you I felt some fear this weekend.
This past Sunday was my first time standing in front of my church family and preaching the Word of God. When I stepped out and told everyone that I had surrendered to the call I was busting out the seams with excitement. I was following the Lord’s will for my life, I was one step closer to being the man that God made me to be. But this past week was hard for me. As Sunday got closer and closer I began to feel many different emotions and I began to question myself. Why did God choose a man like me to preach his word? What about me is so special? I’m not worthy of this call. I’ll never be worthy of this call. What if, in my preaching, I push somebody away from God instead of drawing them closer to him? What if, because of the words that escape from my mouth, somebody burns in a devils Hell? All of these doubts started creeping in. Fear started to creep in. But I know that these thoughts were not of God, but rather the devil was working on me, discouraging me from being who God made me to be.
But it didn’t work. Instead of succumbing to the fear, I threw myself into my studies so much more. I immersed myself in the Word of God to prepare. And you know what I found written within these beautiful pages? Love. The one things that is able to conquer all fear. The love Jesus has for each and everyone of us.
I began to study out of John 21, and the events surrounding the apostle Peter’s life. When we first meet Peter he is a rough and tumble fisherman. His whole life is invested in fishing, but when Jesus calls to him and Andrew to follow him, they leave everything behind. They literally drop everything. Their business, their income, their livelihood. They leave it all behind to follow this one man. And throughout the gospels we continue to see that Peter is this bold and outspoken man whose heart is on fire for Jesus. Until it wasn’t. After time we begin to see Peter’s faith waiver. When he sees Jesus walking in the sea amidst a raging storm he begins to walk out on the water to him, but begins to fear for his life and falls. I mean who wouldn’t? Then the night that Jesus is betrayed, Jesus asks Peter and the others to stand watch with him and pray as he goes off and prays alone. But when he comes back (3 times) he finds these men asleep. And ultimately we know that Peter ends up denying Jesus three times. So we see this great man of faith backslide to the point of completely rejecting Jesus. However, that’s not the end of his story. It’s just part of it.
In John 21, this is after Jesus has been resurrected (AMEN!!!), and Peter in his defeat has returned to his old life. He has returned to fishing. He has denied Jesus, he has failed, Jesus can no longer use him, right? Wrong! As he is fishing (and catching absolutely nothing) the Lord walks upon the shore and calls out to Peter. And when they realize this is in fact the Lord Jesus, he jumps straight into the sea and makes his way to the shore. Later that evening when Jesus and his disciples are dining, he begins to ask Peter some questions.
“So when they had dined, Jesus saith unto Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith unto him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yes, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my Sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he has has said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him Feed my Sheep.” Then in verse 19 he follows this up with two very important words, “Follow me.”
This stuck with me as I was studying. Just as Peter had denied Jesus three times, Jesus asks Peter three times if he loved Jesus. And when Peter answers yes, Jesus’ response is simple, Follow me. Even though Peter had failed, Jesus was not done with him in his life. Just as he is not done with mine. Just as he is not done with yours. As I read I began to realize that my fear meant nothing. It’s true that I am not worthy of His love, of his forgiveness. But Jesus saw me. He saw the cesspool of sin that was my life, the mistakes that I would make, my shortcomings, my failures, and he chose the cross anyways. Because of the love he had for me. For you. For everyone.
And knowing that through all of my mistakes, that Jesus still has a will for my life is a pretty amazing thing. And so that’s exactly what I began to preach on, and while I was completely in a state of anxiety, as soon as I stood up there in front of my church family and began to give the message that the Lord had laid upon my heart, peace washed over me once again. Every anxiety and fear disappeared in that moment. And all I felt was love. The Lord worked on me that night and reaffirmed to me that this is what he had in store for me. To feed his Sheep.
And the next morning I was even more encouraged. After I finished preaching this boy ran up to me and hugged me. Which I didn’t think much of at the time, but the next morning a friend of mine told me that he was now asking her questions. He was asking about heaven, about salvation, about Jesus. She told me that he was listening to me that night. That encouraged me so much, and I again felt the Lord tell me this is my will for your life. I’m thankful for his grace. For his love. For his forgiveness. And I’m excited for what he has in store for my future. And when I embark on the World Race next year I am excited to see him move in ways that I’ve never expected. But I also want you to know, that he wasn’t done with Peter, He isn’t done with me, and he has a plan for you as well. Don’t let your past mistakes make you feel less than, because Jesus doesn’t see you that way.
I hope that you would pray for me as I continue upon this spiritual journey of mine. Pray that God blesses me with his wisdom. Pray that God leads me every step of the way, and that I would become that man that he has always intended me to be.
I pray also that if you are able, that you would consider giving. I’ve got quite a ways to go before I raise all the money necessary to go on this mission trip, and I need your help. Whether its $1, $20, or more every little bit helps. My first fundraising deadline is in September at $5k. I’d love to have that by the end of July if its the Lord’s will. And I’d love for you to be a part of that.
Many blessings to each of you & if there is any way that I can be in prayer for you please reach out to me! Thank you!
