Tonight, I am not going to try to write the greatest blog ever. There are going to be typos, going to be grammar mistakes. I’m probably not even going to proofread it. But I want to invite you into my heart. And ask you to pray.
I am going to be honest here. I’ve been struggling a lot the last few weeks. It’s been hard. The glamour of the World Race is beginning to wear away and I find myself growing more and more exhausted. This blog is going to be brief, but real.
Over the last month, I’ve found myself battling a sickness that will never seem to go away. My appetite has been incredibly low all month. I had a piece of toast for breakfast today and couldn’t eat anymore. In the Philippines, I finally found a ministry that I can see myself really connecting with, only to have to miss out on some activities because I can barely think straight because my head is spinning and I can hardly breathe.
I don’t know if I’ve gotten a full night of sleep since we’ve gotten to Asia. I toss and turn and wake up in the middle of the night. I feel groggy throughout the day and find myself collapsing on my mattress as soon as I have a free moment.
We just finished up our Month 4 debrief. A time to relax and recharge. But I didn’t find it very restful. On top of the fact that I couldn’t sleep and I wasn’t feeling the greatest, I also began really missing my dad. It’s still hard, even after 18 months.
Being on the other side of the world with terrible internet makes it extremely difficult to talk to my friends and family back home. While texting them is still possible, sometimes I just want to see their face and talk to them.
There are so many areas that I am growing in, so many places God is chiseling away. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I just want Him to slow down and let me recover from the first 10 things before I can move onto the next 20.
I’ve been in Vietnam for approximately 9 hours, and I’ve already broke my bed, sliced open my finger trying to fix the bed, and now find myself sleeping on the floor after I couldn’t fix it.
I’ve wanted to cry probably a twenty times this month. Half a dozen of those times I actually did cry.
It’s been a tough month. But I don’t want it to sound like it has absolutely sucked. I’ve seen God move in incredible ways. I’ve experienced moments of complete joy. I grew with a group of men like I never had in my life. I’ve had moments of complete laughter that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
But in the midst of those positives, there has been waves of difficult things to overcome. I know I will overcome them. I know the Lord is good. I know His promises are true. I know He loves me and seeks what is best for me. I am holding onto His word and His truth during these times of trails.
But even though I know the truth, it doesn’t make walking in the truth any easier. Just because a runner knows a marathon is 26.2 miles, it doesn’t running one any easier. I am praying that the Spirit fills me. That I lean on Him in this time of need. That I trust not in my own power, but in the One who is full of power, and desires to walk with me through all my pain.
I know the Lord has big things planned for this month. I am looking forward to looking back at this blog and celebrating when the Lord brought me through all these trails. Until that time comes, I will praise Him in expectation for the glory that is to be revealed in me (Romans 8:18).
It’s funny, even as I finish writing this, the Lord is comforting me with the song “Give Me Faith.” I’m so thankful that even in the midst of all the pain and sorrow, He wants to so me that I am loved.
“I may be weak, but Your Spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail. My God, You never will.”
