Recently things have been an emotional roller coaster on the Race. Many moments have come up that have tested my character, vulnerability, and perseverance. It has been a challenge that at times has had a bitter taste, but I know that when I get a bad taste of something; God eventually has a nice juicy burger in store for me.
This past week I was met face to face with the reality of my entire life up to this point and it was quite heavy. On Monday our squad did a session on inner healing and things that have hurt us from our past and might possibly be defining our present lives. Over these past 4 months or so, God has confronted me head on with things that I didn’t even realize I needed healing from or things that have still been shaping who I am today.
For a while now it has been a running joke that I had not yet cried on the Race, but this past week was finally my breaking point. I have since then cried 5 times in the past week. Let’s just say that I was emotionally recked! The inner healing was very hard and uncomfortable, but yet also really good for me to be vulnerable with God and my squad mates.
Later in the week me and my squad had to say a heartbreaking goodbye to my teammate Ben Taylor, who decided it was time for him to go home. Me and Ben have grown so close during these past few months and he truly is a brother to me. At the beginning of the Race we honestly didn’t like each other too much, but by the time we said goodbye; we were an inseparable duo. Ben and I walked alongside each other through our hills and valleys and it was so difficult to watch him leave, but I knew He was making the choice he believed God was calling him to make. I know that even though Ben is no longer doing the Race with us, that it doesn’t mean he failed, but that God has much bigger plans for him and will still continue to use him for His kingdom.
The day that Ben told the whole squad was both mentally and physically draining. Between all the emotions and thoughts we were dealing with and all the manual labor our team did at ministry; I was exhausted when we got home. When we got home I was so physically drained that I just wanted a nice meal with MEAT. Unfortunately we came home to rice and beans. The meal was still good, but it would have just been a nice moment to come back to after such a long day.
The next day Ben was sick and couldn’t join us at ministry on his last full day. We had a easier day and our leader at ministry helped make the day better by his uplifting spirit. He also treated us to lunch, which was much better than the ham sandwiches we have been eating almost every day. As we were walking home, me and Landon were still dealing with being upset though. We were talking about how badly we were just craving meat and how nice it would be after the week we had. I told Landon that I just wanted a burger so bad because I hadn’t had one in so long.
As we approached the gate to our base we smelled something really good and discovered a huge surprise! There in the kitchen was a skillet full of hamburgers being made!!! I was so ecstatic with joy that I believe I freaked a few of my squad mates out. It honestly just meant so much to me. I was actually in shock that me and Landon were literally just talking about it minutes before we got there. To me it was just a sweet little reminder that God does care about us and wants to give us joy. He wants to bless us, and for me it truly was a blessing to have hamburgers. As silly as that might seem, it was so cool to see how God cares for us even in the small moments. God knew that it had been a really tough week for me and He showed me through burgers that I was going to be fine.
Later that night our squad had a going away party for Ben to celebrate his time with us. The next morning our team woke up early to take Ben to the airport and say our final goodbyes. This was the roughest moment I think of my week, but later that day I was reminded by God that when things hurt or get tough, that He has something really great ahead of us.
