I like Valentines Day. Mostly because I like chocolate. The other part, the romantic part, cards and feelings and whatnot, made me a little squeamish.
It all started back in elementary school. I carefully prepared a memo that said I like you, and sent it to the girl of my affections.
(What’s more alarming: me sending memos in elementary school, or that, fifteen years later, I still feel embarrassed writing about this whole thing?)
I sent the memo. There was only one flaw in my plan. I had no idea what I was doing. My feelings of “liking-ness” were real, but I hadn’t really thought it through. When she replied I like you too, I became really nervous about the whole thing and decided to bail out.
However, word got around about my crush and I got teased for weeks. It’s tough being eight.
Eventually the teasing ceased and life returned to normal. I bounced back. Kids are sturdy, though soft. My baby brain absorbed the pain and learned a lesson:
it hurts to be known
That’s the story of how I began to build up walls around my heart. The walls protected me, but they also kept out what I needed.
Relationship is hard. Yeah, it hurts sometimes. I seem to get hurt every time I open up. The pain of rejection is terrible. And if all I had were these wounding experiences I would be ready to give up, or to give in to something less than what I’m worth.
The reason I continue to take the risk and open up my heart is because I have this guy in my life. His name is Jesus.
I let him in some years ago and experienced real love for the first time. Love doesn’t like walls or locked doors. Love puts up with inconsistent feelings. Love isn’t deterred by the real Zachary. What Love prefers is the real Zachary.
Love is patiently drawing me out from my ivy-crusted castle surrounded by high walls and moats. I get to be completely me all the time.
Love can do that for you too. If you let him.
Go ahead. Send Love a memo.
