“Hey how’s it going?”
“Good what about you?”
“Doing good brother”
“See you later, man. Have a good one”
This is often how long and deep a normal conversation went back home. Growing up in the south this is just what you do. Good ole southern hospitality baby! Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my southern roots! But I have to admit this is a prime example of the depth that we often have with people and I want to share something that I’ve been learning quite a bit about during my time on the race.
Vulnerability.
Okay I want you to stop reading for a second and think about the feelings you associate with that word. How does it make you feel?
I’ll speak for myself and say it used to make me pretty uncomfortable, sometimes it still does. It goes deeper though because something made you feel that way about the word. I’ll share my thoughts for a moment.
Vulnerability is different for different people. For some people, it means sharing their struggles, some it is their past they’re ashamed of, some it is just sharing the thoughts they are having in that moment. But ultimately, it is a depth of ourselves we keep locked hidden from all to see. Why? Because it’s safe. If you let people in they will break your heart, betray your trust, and no one really wants to know all that. Those are lies, don’t let the enemy have that satisfaction and victory. He wants to keep you in the prison cell that Jesus has already set you free from on the cross. Let’s be real though, it’s easy to not share those things and to keep up a false self. Most of us, me included, have been doing that for a fair majority of our lives, it’s just life. But let me tell you that is not the way we were meant to live. That is straight up slavery bonded to a lie of how we want people to see us because we are fearful of what they would do if they really knew you.
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
Galatians 5:1
I have also experienced freedom and so much life from being vulnerable with my team. It involved sharing my struggles, my thoughts, my desires, my passions. Vulnerability spanned a large area so it’s been a trek for me! But guess what happened when I shared that? I was supported by 5 other incredible fighters, brothers and sisters, and a deeper relationship. They fought for me in prayer, they fought for me in pushing me further into my passions, they fought for me in desiring to know what God was teaching me, they fought for me in not letting me stay in a mess on my bad days. Just going to side track for a moment and just say I love you guys so much! (You know who you are!)
But it took me coming out to give those things up, to let people into my deep heart, into the dark places, into the bloody fight with me. But freedom was on the other side. Freedom was waiting to be grasped only a step away. It’s there for all of us if we just so much as take that step.
I’d like to make a confession right now though and be as real and vulnerable as I can with you. To preface it, I have been reading through Wild at Heart by John Eldredge with the men of my squad and it’s been life changing. In the third chapter he says “Most of what you encounter when you meet a man is a facade, an elaborate fig leaf, a brilliant disguise.” Basically most people are wearing masks to hide where they really are and how they’re really doing.
I want to take away all false impressions that I’ve given off that are simply not true. Upon great reflection Holy Spirit convicted me in my blog posts. I have made it look like I’ve got it all together. That I have everything under control and that I am just a good ole southern boy doing God’s work! While yes I am out here meeting people and sharing about Jesus I am not perfect no matter what I’ve made it look like. I have struggled greatly 5 of the 6 months I’ve been on the race. I have been under many massive attacks from the enemy for a while and I felt like I’d lost several battles and have not wanted to share them.
Upon getting to the root of why I never was completely vulnerable in my writing is honestly fear. What are the individuals and churches and my own leadership team going to think when they see that I have been in literal shambles? “They’ll stop supporting me! They will think I’m not fit to be here. I have to be perfect or else!” Blah blah blah, yeah those are all flat lies, but pretty darn good ones if you want to keep the facade going and stay in bondage. Your choice though, you do you.
But you know what, what’s more dangerous is what people will do with the freedom of allowing someone into the vulnerable weak places of your life. My mom told me this several months ago, “God created you the way you are and has let you experience what you’ve experienced for a purpose.” That was before most of the difficulties occurred on the race but it rings true even more so now. Even if it’s only purpose was to show the freedom in vulnerability then it was worth it for me.
You don’t have to have it all together, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to strive to be someone you’re not! Firstly get alone with God and be real with Him. But it’s also so important that you find a person, a group of people, whatever you need and be real with them. If you feel like you’re losing the battle, tell them! I don’t care what position you hold; CEO, pastor, deacon, worship leader, business owner, father, mother, etc. You can try to maintain your image of perfection but you will lose out on some sweet freedom for yourself More than that can you imagine what you sharing that you don’t have it all together will do for those around you. Take Revelation 12:11 to heart! It says, “they conquered by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony.” Your testimony, your fight, it matters! Let me give you a few examples of ways it could affect those closest to you.
Your kids are more open because they no longer see the imaginary barrier that was there, separating their mess from your perfection and that you also are a human being just like them. Your congregation sees that you struggle just like them, it gives them hope to overcome, and it gives a greater respect for you as a leader. You inspire your coworker to keep fighting the good fight and you can encourage each other through the battle! Fight with and for each other because it’s what we were made to do!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one. If one falls, one lifts him up. Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Though a man might prevail against one who is alone two will withstand him, a three strand cord is not quickly or easily broken.”
Find who it is that makes your cord and weave yourselves together through and with Christ. Let him bind you together so that not a single person must attempt life alone with none to help him stand and none to fight with. Or as I clearly remember my brother speaking on this topic, “Who’s your Bunkie?” Your bunk mate, the one who picks you up when you fall off your horse. Who’s galloping on their horses coming to pick you up?
I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me so far in this race whether praying for me during this journey, sending me encouragement, or supporting me financially. I am thoroughly encouraged by your faithfulness to what God has put me here for. You will forever be a part of the story God is writing out here! So just an update I am only $2400 away from being fully funded. Can I get an Amen??? That’s nothing short of a miracle! If you feel led to give there’s only a little bit left until I will be fully funded at $19,300. Woot woot! Love you guys so much and I’m praying for you all back home! If you have specific prayer requests please send them my way through WhatsApp (706) 615 7774. Or email [email protected]
