Our time here in London is in its final hours. Recently I have been having a hard time finding the words to speak and I think that is due in large part to the fact that I have not wanted to look in the mirror for fear of what reflection I would see. To be honest, this month here in London has probably the most unspiritual stretch I have had during the 6 months on the race. I can think of several excuses for this but they all have to do with my failure to pursue God and what He is doing here in London or in me for that matter. I could say that I was worn out by a busy schedule, yet that did not stop me from watching NFL games at 1am. I can say that we did not have enough personal time, yet that did not stop me from watching mindless youtube clips, movies or playing ping pong. I can say that I was distracted by the big city and the newness that it offered as I went to various museums, malls and historical landmarks. I can say that I was distracted by the season and the fact that I was not around family to celebrate this most special time of the year but the fact is, my Christmas this year was one of the most memorable ones I will ever get to experience. Perhaps I was distracted by the type of ministry here; I can say that it helped aid my lack of connection with God. I can say that it was different from what we have done on the world race thus far or that the biting coldness of the streets separated me from God because of discomfort. Yet I cannot deny that God brought us here for a reason, so that does not work. The one thing I cannot find any excuse for is why I did not seek the Father more. As I started thinking about that, a verse came to me. In Luke 17, Jesus says “the kingdom of God does not come with careful observation, nor will people say, “here it is or there it is” because the kingdom of God is within you.” I have been mulling over the words of Andrew Shearman at our 2nd Koh Samet debrief and how all places we step are being reclaimed and added back to His kingdom because as Jesus clearly points out in that Luke passage, the kingdom of God is inside of us. I neglected to acknowledge that this month. I allowed my own selfish desires to drag me here and there and not until the end have I wanted to affirm that atrocity over myself. God really started working me over in church Sunday morning and this blog is the result. Unfortunately, it is not the end of it. God’s chastisement of my behavior did not end there. As God started to bring down the hammer on me, I protested. But God, look at what I have done this month!! I went out with a smile on my face every day. I treated my teammates great (I think). I passed out tracks in warm and cordial tones; I used my servant’s heart to serve my team in various ways on most days. Unfortunately for me, God was not hearing my half-hearted response. He then proceeded to take me behind the woodshed for another session. The verses He led me to were some of the most painful things I have ever heard Him say to me and to be quite frank, IT SUCKED! Matthew 23 is a scathing passage from Jesus to the Pharisees. This time it also served as a scathing word from Him to me. “Woe to you….you clean the outside of the cup and dish but the inside are full of greed and self-indulgence…..you are like a whitewashed tomb, you look beautiful on the outside but the inside is full of dead men’s bones….” Thankfully, He stopped before he called me a snake, part of a brood of vipers! I did not want to admit it initially, but that has been my experience over the last month. I attempted to look like Christ on the outside while ignoring the place that I need to look like Christ the most: on the inside. It is months like this that serve to remind me how far I still have to go. That my faith does not complete itself over a short span but rather over the course of my life is a comforting thought. God always affirms the good in us while He is pointing out areas that need working on. He left me with Proverbs 3:11-12. “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline because the Lord disciplines those He loves.”
