Before you jump into reading this week’s blog, I want to give a quick explanation. Back in Guatemala, I had the privilege of sitting down with one of my team leaders, Hannah Pauwels. This is what unfolded and I am honored to share with you her story. It’s a long one BUT…every word she will speak to you is worth it. I promise. Love you all so much. To God be the glory.
P.S. If you are reading this and thinking about going on the race…this one’s for you:)
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= In a roundabout sort of way, I wanted to do an interview. It was my desire to have a story or perspective of leadership on the World Race Gap Year that would give you, and myself, a developed look into another side of this adventure. For that set purpose, I chose to interview Hannah Pauwels. She’s a bright sunny day mixed with wispy abandonment. When you get to talk with her like I did, you’re left wandering for exactly how she walks and talks with God. There is a freedom in her smile and stare that resembles star gazing. It’s not just for the chance to see a shooting star, it’s reveling in the opportunity to embrace the heavens. What I was able to hear and now hope to convey is that when I went looking for maybe a rundown of “This is like this…,” I was graciously given a story. Hannah’s story. So here’s to capturing the past two and almost a half years of Hannah Pauwel’s journey with Jesus.
With each question, I tried my best to let it arise organically, in which, I found to be led by Hannah’s words and experiences accordingly. As the first question came, it detailed her expectations and intentions as she headed into the race and how, in turn,God expanded those pretensions. Hannah answered that she had little to no expectations for the race and found herself in a place of obedience rather than passion. There wasn’t necessarily an anchored pull on her to head to the ends of the earth, but the decision to “go” was born from the decision to let the Lord lead her step. The choice was -sweet- for her. He said for her to go into he World Race Gap Year, and she did. Training camp held for her a place to find and realize the community of Christ. The Race is full of culture, dialect, geography, and most importantly; people. From the ten-day bond born in training camp, excitement stirred in Hannah to travel to Ecuador, Zambia, and India. He said for her to go into he World, and she did.
“So, what exactly was it like to live in the places far outside your life? What was it like to live beyond the experiences and culture surrounding you?”
-“I felt like I could breathe in Zambia…fulfill my purpose there.”-
Hannah has a passion for the Black Community and Zambia was not only the perspective of Africa, but the ancestral roots of the community she’s grown to love. Hannah brought with her the perspective of Black America and was going to leave with the culture of Africa in her skin. Even though Africa can be seen as a land of tribal pride and unforgiving landscape, Hannah felt a much different air in its presence. “The people were full of hospitality and the Holy Spirit.” In Africa, that is. I can’t but batter around the nature of the land I identify Africa with and its people. National Geographic and History classes have painted an untamed land with traditions that roll back to the beginning of time itself. In only three months, I’ll have the privilege of seeing this land. But in the course of Hannah exploring her memories of Africa, I began to personalize the great continent to the brothers and sisters I will serve, sing, and dance with in the dirt. Again, as Hannah deduced, its the people of World Race we discover and conceal within ourselves that move us.
Hannah also talked of the “geographical intention” God calls our lives to serve. The very act of being stripped of a place common in your language and tongue brings along abandonment. “And its not pretty and it is messy.” “But most are holy…when rooted in God.” It’s quite the stretch of logic in and of itself to celebrate in suffering. It’s DEFINITELY words of a fool to say that suffering for a cause is privilege, especially when you can’t even see the leader in front of you. The call on our lives brings along with itself a connotation of change, abandonment, and foolishness. The Lord asked Hannah to run with Him on this adventure and in His divine sovereignty, used the messes of pain and memory for the redemption and molding of her.
Intimacy
One of the focuses of the World Race program is knowing the Lord in a new way through intimacy. Hannah graciously spoke of her position of intimacy with the Lord before heading into her race. It was so present that it moved her onto the race, and she followed in it. So I asked Hannah, in the context of “seeing the Face of God, ”Where she had grown in intimacy on the race compared to where she began?”
“I found my secret place: In the Throne Room.” Hannah would go onto to explain, traveling somewhere far off in her mind, what she attributed as the physical,pictorial representation of intimacy with God in her life. That safe haven of God demanding attention and praise would be the tramping grounds for all of Hannah’s phases of emotion and situation in life. “I would dance into the throne room and other times I would walk in…weary.” It wasn’t just a way to meet the Lord but the place in which she did, and still does. Everything that crept into Hannah’s life through the conscious channels of emotion or the back alleys of memory, would eventually find itself in bondage at the Lord’s feet, in His throne room. Every aspect of fear, doubt, thought, joy, peace, and those left were put in the presence of God. Before His Face.
High school, which like myself has fullmented many memories here on the race, holds a specific of vision for Hannah. “I saw the fire in His eyes.” It’s a wondrous sight of seeing what we can’t really think of. How dangerous, blinding, and unseen is this vision? That vision was given Biblical context and Truth during Hannah’s race through Revelation 2. This marked what would later be another defining turn of Hannah’s life with God. He began to chisel at the heart and emotions and feelings of Hannah through Scripture. It was humbling for her. Everything that had been so personal was now being soaked by Biblical truth.
“Childlike joy with a deepened wisdom.”
Leadership
“So, what changed when you became a leader and were given the opportunity to pour out?”
When the idea of leadership ran into Hannah’s mind of going back onto the field and being a World Racer once again, it was not a easy decision. On the side of intimacy, it would be the last two years of Hannah’s life she would expose to those around her and pour out. That intimacy, the “secret places” of the Lord that are tucked away in our soul’s dwelling place, required a courageous spirit to be born. Since Hannah had left her race and spent a year back home, she experienced the separation of her family. Two weeks before she left, her parents told her they would be getting a divorce. Hardly an excuse, this pain could have swayed Hannah’s decision in leading the next three months of her life for girls she had never met before. Nevertheless, “The Lord stood by so kindly and spoke Truth.” As the lord called Hannah‘s heart to be courageous, He asked Him to trust her.
And she did.
But invitation into that family tear was difficult. “There was only one other person that knew month one.” These words, however, were not of alienation or self pity. From that one person, Hannah went on to explain a hand written letter of encouraging words that walked her through processing in month one. That time and consolation of friendship allowed for Hannah to “let the darkness into the light.” The bravery to lead was being worked into the bravery to share and there, in the darkness, freedom was found. She began to share with her girls the days that we hard. Yet, the soft Words of the Lord were sweetness to the vulnerability she stepped into. It was something of transparent connection that positioned her for kindred freedom. A new family for her. There in the nothingness of pain and a broken heart, she found a new family in the foundations of God.
“And dependence on Him was not my shame, but it was an honor.”
But as the last week approached, Hannah would go home to a family that would not be the same as she left it. “I was scared to come home, yet I was still deeply happy.” “God brought me on the trip to teach me dependence on Him.” And that dependence, that allowed her to welcome in her teams and go home in joy, held her still.
“It was overflow that allowed me to live in the freedom of vulnerability.”
“At this point, its not that I’m sharing the 4-point solution to my life…it’s my life.” These revelations from God have brought Hannah through the past two years. These have been the anthems that have found Hannah in the secret declarations of her heart. God’s sweet,sanctifying words for His daughter. If anything, I hope this has shown you not only her vulnerability, but her partnership with the Lord. I see them dancing together through it all, I hope you do too.
“I see the obedience and sacrifice of those first two years, and I am proud. People are getting to eat the fruit of those first two years now…”
Now
“Advice to those who are stuck in simple obedience and obligation to Jesus? Those thinking about going on the World Race yet also wanting to go to college, etc.?”
“When I began to prioritize the presence of God, everything began to flow.” Intimate, dedicated time to sit before the Father is an area I still struggle with. But as Hannah went on to explain what exactly happened as consequence, I saw it all a little differently.
“The more we are seeking the face of God, the easier it is to realize our priorities.”
For her, vision came with intimacy. At His feet, she not only found stability in Him to share her life with others, but who it should be with and where she should be. Her will was being aligned with the Lord’s and as consequence, brought vision into places of future and difficulty. With that, it never gets easier. The privilege to see that which is most beautiful in life causes us also to change for it. To alter ourselves from the glorious places we are continuously brought into and out of. And when I asked Hannah about the two years and the holy places she found…
“I don’t know how to word it.” “Being the bride of Christ and His beloved is all that matters to me anymore.”
And it’s more than enough. In the few months that I was able to spend around Hannah, there was a phrase she partitioned that I still think of here on the race. “Look people in the eyes and love them like Jesus.” That, if anything, was not only the ministry of Jesus but likewise was Hannah’s. There is a seasoned sense of security and peace that overwhelms you when she wanders. Not because there is a secondary state of reality or an ability to tap into one, but it’s who she’s with. Hannah has given her life up in true joy to a true King, and you can’t help but see it in her.
Thank you Hannah for sharing your story. =
