Well friends, to put it bluntly, I have been “of little faith” lately.
I knew this fundraising process would be difficult, but I assumed that, because God knows how badly I want to be on this World Race, that He would simply provide all the money I needed. I assumed that I would already be fully funded through some miracle. In fact, I assumed that the fundraising process would be quite easy to tell you the truth.
But therein lies the problem. I have assumed. Assumed that my service at the homeless shelter on Wednesdays, and the times I have given money to those in need, would be repaid tenfold by the grace of God. I have been the older son, in the parable of the prodigal son; jealous and expectant of my heavenly father. I have been the servant working in the field the longest, jealous of the equal wages paid to those who have come after me, those who have worked only a fraction of the time. My faith has been stretched thin, causing me to ask yet again, “Are you with me God?” I have been stressed, nervous, anxious. I have been away from God. It is not Him who has left me, but me who has left Him. I have failed to trust in His omnipotent, benevolent plan. And the evil one has fed off of this lack of trust. My heart is heavy. I have questioned everything.
So now I surrender to Him. One of the most difficult parts of my growing spiritual relationship with the Lord, has been learning to trust and surrender to His plan. I am not giving up, I am giving in. I desperately want and need to go on this trip in January, but I trust in the plans that He has made. This is not about me. A good friend, who recently had to make her own difficult decision to leave this opportunity behind, said to me last night, “It may not even be the race that’s for you. Maybe it was you being obedient enough to step out in faith and go for it. God wants you complete obedience. If its His will and you’re praying and seeking Him, He’ll provide.” It is His plan that matters. I live my life for Him, not for me.
So I come before you today, my friends, to ask for your prayers and support. As it stands, I sit at only $1,695.00 of the $3500.00 I need to attend training camp next week. Even the smallest of donations helps in such a magnificent way. But, I will not stress about this any longer. I trust in the Lord. And I trust that He will provide if it is His will. God bless you my friends, and may His will be done.
As always, have a wonderful day everybody. God loves you. And so do I.
