“God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son…. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.” Romans 8:29
I knelt in prayer, begging God to come to me.
“Where are you, God?” I asked.
“Why is this happening to me?
Aren’t I a good person?
Don’t I have a good heart?”
“Why me?”
As I rose to leave the adoration chapel, I pleaded with God to show Himself to me. If ever there was a time that I needed Jesus Christ, it was then. I exited the doors of the church; broken, sunken, destroyed. Tears were streaming down my face just as the hope that always shone so brightly in my heart faded into darkness. But then, I lifted my head one more time. There, in front of my face, on this random Saturday morning in April, sat my Dad’s car. I walked back into the church and standing in the silhouette of the main chapel, stood the two miracles that I needed from God that day. My mother and father embraced me just as they did when I was younger. This façade that I had worked so hard to establish, my “manliness” crumbled to the floor, and I was back into my parent’s arms; as if I were a little boy once again. At that moment, I knew I was in the hands of not only my earthly mother and father, but my heavenly father as well.
God saved my life that day.
Sometimes it can be extremely difficult to see the goodness that God brings from the worst of our situations. We see only the immediate effects of events; the carnage after the storm, if you will. But God works in mysterious ways. Ways that we as human beings can never fully understand. But that is how He builds our trust. He gives us everything we need, regardless of our want. I knew what I wanted in life heading into this past summer. But, I had no idea the roller-coaster God had in store for me.
I am a pretty “normal” 24 year old man by today’s standards. I make a lot of mistakes, I am too invested in my favorite sports teams, and I love having fun. Up until very recently, I thought I had this whole world figured out. I had everything I ever wanted. A beautiful girlfriend, who was as wonderful a person I could have ever hoped to love. An apartment that we shared in the heart of Denver, right near City Park. A dog who brightened every single day of my life with her crazy, zany personality. It was everything that I wanted, but nothing that I needed. God worked His way into my life on Sundays when it was convenient; and I would perform lip-service prayers on the nights that I would remember. I wasn’t really concerned with my earthly future, or my eternal future, because I had everything that I ever wanted in my life – Right here, right now.
But then God rocked my world.
Danielle broke up with me before this summer, around April first. Things weren’t great in our relationship, but I had no idea that she was at her breaking point. I thought the distance between us was just another bump in the road. But she was done, and it destroyed me. The anecdote at the beginning of this story occurred on the Saturday that I knew it was over between us. I had told my parents that I would be gone in the mountains for the weekend, from Thursday to Sunday, but in actuality, I went up to Boulder to hang out with my friends from college and drink and do drugs to get rid of the pain. To forget about the hurt. But something called me to the church that Saturday morning. Later on, I found out that my parents had tried to attend confession at several other churches that morning, but each one kept referring them back to Our Lady of Loreto. God sent my parents to me that Saturday morning, and He saved my life. I would love to tell you that I completely devoted myself to God after that, but unfortunately, I found comfort in other vices, and friends, away from the Holy Spirit. Right after the break-up I committed myself to changing who I was. If I wasn’t good enough her, I was going to do everything I could to make myself better than anything she could have hoped for. I even told my friends that I would be the president, AND the pope in my life (I was only half-joking). But, I committed early on to going on a mission trip to Haiti with my good friend, and newly converted Christian, Kyle. Over the next few months however, I found more comfort in being under the influence, rather than the sobering reality of my life. The motivation to change myself slowly wore off, and the motivation to become a fun-loving, life-of-the-party type person took over my life. I turned to drugs and alcohol. At first, once per weekend; then twice; then even three and four times per week. I was spiraling out of control and I didn’t even realize it.
On the night before the mission trip I was sitting there getting drunk, asking myself, “What the hell am I doing? I don’t really want to go to Haiti. This is a mistake.” I begrudgingly went to the airport the next day, still full of doubt; wondering why I was missing two full weekends of partying with my friends, to go perform manual labor and pray to a God that I wasn’t so sure was even with me at that point. But I went. And it turned out to be the best week of my life. I met people from all over the country, from all different Christian denominations. From Baptists to Lutherans, fellow Catholics to non-denominational Christians, all were represented on our Mission of Hope campus; each person that I met showing me a different reflection of the same light that is the Holy Spirit of God. One group in particular embraced Kyle and me. They explained that they were at Mission of Hope for an entire month, as part of an 11-month mission trip know as…
The World Race.
This particular group of 48 beautiful young men and women who called themselves “D squad,” changed my life forever. At first they seemed too “out-there” for me. They prayed unabashedly. They loved without reserve. They surrounded me with love, every time I would be sitting at a table or on a bench by myself, just searching for some alone time. But then something funny happened; by the time Tuesday rolled around, I found myself excited to wake up in the mornings; ready to take on the ministry of the day; ready to make new friends, and hang out with my adopted family of World Racers. They started inviting Kyle and I to partake in their worship, in their prayer. Several of them asked me to share my story with them in very personal one-on-one situations, and for some reason, I felt as if I were talking to my closest friends in the world. I witnessed the love of God in each one of their eyes. They went out of their way to show me that I was important to them; that God loves me the way I am. And as the week rolled on, I felt the walls of my heart crumble to the ground. I felt the love of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit fill my heart. I played harder with the young Haitian children, no matter how tired I felt. I picked up more buckets of concrete, no matter how much I wanted to rest.
I started to live for God.
And as the week came to a close, I found myself wanting to stay more than anything in the world. Sure, I missed the air conditioning of home, and a nice, warm, comfortable bed, but I couldn’t imagine leaving the Haitian people, and my new community family of World Racers. I couldn’t imagine going back to a life of not glorifying God with every ounce of my being, every second of every day. I knew God called me to Haiti for a reason. I knew that meeting this group of 48 men and women of God was no coincidence. He was and is calling me to be a servant of His word: To go out and spread His love and hope to all the nations of the world. So I made the decision to partake on my own World Race. And that is why I ask for your help today.
I was recently accepted to participate in the World Race in January 2015, as a member of third generation P-Squad. I will be leaving in January, God-willing, on an 11-month mission trip to the countries of Peru, Bolivia, Chile, India, Nepal, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Malawi, and Zambia. We will be working with local ministries in very poor areas, that are in desperate need of help, and more importantly, in desperate need of the hope and love of Jesus Christ. Our ministries will vary in scope, from helping orphaned children, to those sexually or physically abused in previous homes. We will plant trees and build houses. We will preach the incredible good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But most importantly, we will love those people who have never been loved before.
I am partaking on this trip for three reasons. Firstly, I am doing this for God. Everybody knows the verse John 3:16, but more important to me is 1 John 3:16, which states, “The way we came to know love was that he laid down his life for us; so we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” I believe this is a call from God, not only to be willing to lay down our physical lives for our brothers in death, but also to be willing to lay down our lives in life; to dedicate every ounce of who we are, and what we do, to show the eternal love of Jesus Christ to our earthly brothers and sisters. Later on in 1 John 4:7 we are told, “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God…In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.” God calls us to love Him, by loving our brothers and sisters. He filled my heart full of love, and I have every intention of sharing that love with the world.
Secondly, I am doing this for all of you; for my family in Christ. I know many of you will never have an opportunity to partake on this type of adventure, so I want you to come with me. Follow along with me, and see the pictures that I take, watch the videos that I capture, and live the stories that I tell. Live through me on this trip, and vicariously experience the love and adventure through my eyes. Know in your heart that I am catholic to my core, and I look forward to sharing my views and love of Jesus Christ with not only the world, but also my Race family. I cannot wait to broker a community of understanding and unity with members of other Christian denominations. Too often, I feel as though we as Christians are on differing pages, arguing the semantics of whose worship is correct, and who is blaspheming; which songs are appropriate to sing, and what appropriate attire entails. We lose the overarching, communal goal of Christianity, which is to love the Lord our God above all else, and to love ONE ANOTHER. There are many different angles, with which we can view the same diamond.
Finally, I am doing this for the people of the world; for all those who are less fortunate than all of us sitting in our comforts on this day. Every night on the evening news, we hear about another murder in our community, another deranged father who beats his wife or children, another innocent person who was beheaded in the middle east for no logical reason. There are enough soldiers for Satan in this world. I cannot sit back idly and watch as the world falls into ruin. Jesus is calling me to be a soldier for His army of peace and love. To “Put on the armor of God…” with my “loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and [my] feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace…to take the helmet of salvation and sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6: 14-15, 17).
I may be crazy to think that I can change the world, but how can we ever reach the stars, if we only shoot for the moon?
I want to spread the love that has saved my life, quite literally more than once, to all the nations of the world.
So I come before you to ask for your support. Let’s be honest, more than anything else, I need your financial support. I must raise $16,252.00 plus money for gear, in order to be fully funded for this 11-month trip. I hope you can find it in your heart, and your wallet, to help me out. But, if you cannot, I completely understand, and I ask you for your support in prayer. Pray for my comrades and me in this adventure, that we represent the love of Christ in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, for our safety, and for our hearts. And no matter what, I want you all to join me on this adventure, through my blog and through Facebook, and watch as God moves in my life. Thank you all for your time, thank you for listening to my shameless begging, and may God bless you all.
Yours in Christ,
William Stupansky
