Every now and then I feel like God keeps calling me into leadership. This is something that I have a hard time wanting to accept, but as I look back, I realize that He has been inviting me into this for some time.
As much as it scares me to be a leader-figure, the Lord has shown that this is what He has in store for me. At training camp, several people came up to me to tell me that they see something in me. That people look up to me and want to follow my example. That alumni racers are seeing what I’m doing and are inspired. Through the Holy Spirit, God revealed to me that the way that I walk in my faith truly makes an impact on the people around me. (I’ve seen this to be true by some of the responses on blogs and social media). I realize that I have so much power to bring forth the kingdom by simply not hiding my faith. Then towards the end of training camp, I was asked to be the point person of my team- the one who leads team times and is in charge of communication with leadership (to a small extent). Through prayer, the Adventures in Missions staff saw that I’d be fit for it.
But even as I took on the role as a point person, I felt as if I wasn’t living to my full potential and I wasn’t fully committed to investing into my team. I wasn’t leading courageously, I wasn’t accepting responsibility, and I wasn’t rejecting passivity. These aren’t things that I am called to live by because I’m a point person. These are things that I’m called to live by because I’m a son of God. A warrior for the kingdom. A man who knows that the Lord will call me into hard things. I thought all of these shortcomings in my head were because I simply didn’t want to be a leader. I feared the idea of being judged because I’m in charge and that I’d be held to a different standard. To be honest, I like being liked by people, and I feared that being a leader could jeopardize that.
I’m the youngest on my team but I’m assigned as the point person. Sometimes when I lead I’m afraid of taking authority in a situation or afraid to call people out on things, mostly from fear of judgement.
At debrief we had a meeting and I got to talk about my life with the squad leaders and coaches. And I’m still processing a lot of things from India- things that happened, how my team did as a community, and what I could have done to improve the dynamics of our team. As I think about these things, my mind wonders to how I’m doing, who I am, who I want to be, etc. I realize that India wasn’t everything it could have been- there were areas where instead of thriving as a community we chose the easy way out: choosing ourselves rather than our team or rather than God.
And I would look to myself and get a little disappointed. I now realize that I began to believe some lies about myself that aren’t true. And all of those lies point back to one big lie. A lie that the enemy loves and our father hates: that I think that I’m not worthy.
Because of my age, I’m not worthy to lead courageously.
Because of my lack of knowledge, I’m not worthy to give wisdom to my peers.
Because of my own shortcomings of perfection, I’m not worthy to confront my peers on sin.
Because I’m new to the concept of giving your entire life to Jesus, I’m not worthy of speaking life into my brothers and sisters.
Right before we hopped on a plane out of the U.S., we were given keys with a word on it. Our team leaders prayed for us and asked the Holy Spirit for a word- then they engraved that word on a key, put it on a necklace and handed it to us. They didn’t give us an explanation- I don’t even know who got this word from God for me. But I do know that God gave them the word they had for me, and that through it He will reveal many things to me.
The word that was given to me was worthy. It wasn’t until now, month 4, that I really think I am starting to grasp what God is wanting to tell me through it.
The other day at debrief our coach Renee was praying over the squad and felt the Spirit tugging at her heart. She said that there was someone in the room that needed to know that they are worthy. When she said this, I didn’t think this prophetic word was for me, but looking back and thinking, God has clearly revealed that He wants me to live knowing this truth.
He wants to tell me that I am worthy. I decided that the best way to truly stop believing lies is to remind myself daily what the Lord says about me in scripture. If I can truly believe these things, I can walk in the freedom that Christ wants me to live in.
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12)
But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed. (Romans 6:17)
our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power. ( 2 Thessalonians 1:11)
I’ve had so much revelation during my time debriefing India. And on the 11th we leave to start ministry, where the 10 guys will live together, trekking and evangelizing to villages in the mountains of Nepal, bringing life to orphanages in Kathmandu, and displaying the love of Christ in everything we do.
I hope to do this with full acceptance and confidence that I am a beloved son of the king.
