I feel like I have already lived a whole lifetime in these past few quick months. We have had three months in Europe and they have been both warm and cold ( just like Texas )and above all else, very comfortable. In fact I am sitting here on a beautiful warm European day in a café, enjoying a very tasty cold beverage. It is quite clichéd actually…. Anyways, while all of those things are fine and dandy, if I am completely honest, I have had a rather hard time connecting with the Holy Spirit in Europe. Yeah, I have had instances in my quiet time where the Lord speaks to me and encourages me, and those times are amazing, but I haven’t had any experiences like I did in Africa and Honduras. Situations where the presence and power of the Lord is so powerful and tangible you feel as if you could reach out and touch it. Nothing like that. In fact, on several occasions I have felt myself wondering where He is. Where is the Holy Spirit when you’re digging a hole? Where is He when you’re painting or building a fence around a literal pond of crap?
I have learned, to my own detriment and experience, that there is a fine line between loving the Lord and seeking Him for WHO HE IS, and loving Him and seeking Him for WHAT HE DOES. The latter is very dangerous. If you find yourself desiring another crazy spiritual experience from God, rather than His sweet, loving and accepting presence, I would recommend spending some time with the Lord and reminding yourself that HE is what we need, not another spiritual experience.
As I have gone through this process and realized how mistaken my motivations and desires were, God started to show up in some profound ways this month.
1) He has given me a new ministry. In His wisdom, he has unlocked something inside of my heart for worship. I have been able to learn and play songs well and lead others in worship. He has provided many opportunities for me to play and help lead worship in corporate environments. it has been scary and amazing.
2) A few Sundays ago, my team and I shared some of our testimonies and experiences with the congregation of the Estonian Baptist Church we have been living at. Afterwards, the church took up a love offering for us ( we had no idea this was going to happen ) of over 400 Euros. A congregation of about 20 Estonians. That’s almost $600!!!!
3) Lastly, we met up with a team of 13 other Americans that were here in Estonia for a few weeks doing missions work. Guess where they were from? Bryan, Texas. Some of them even grew up in my city! They invited us to the camp they were working at and we spent a day of fellowship on the lake, it was great fun. Afterwards, they cooked up an authentic Tex-Mex meal of Enchiladas, rice, frijoles, guac and pico. All from scratch. I swear that meal was inspired by the Holy Spirit because I had a spiritual experience while I was eating it!
Out of context, all of these things might seem rather trivial, but after 2 months of struggling to connect with the Spirit and see Him move, these moments were a blessing to my soul and very special to me. It was such a sweet opportunity to get to spend a full day with some fellow TEXANS with southern accents after 5 months being away from home, then being provided with a Tex-Mex meal, made by women who were well versed in the art of feeding hungry men. 🙂
God wants to be present in our lives. He wants to do great things for us and through us, but we must be careful when we start to desire spiritual experiences FROM God, rather than intimate relationship WITH God. Its always a healthy process to take a day or two to re-center our thoughts and our motivations, then watch the Holy Spirit move. I hope He blesses your soul with these stories as He has blessed mine. 🙂 Five more days until China….
