I always keep my blogs short and sweet, with lots of pictures. This ones going to be a little longer. Take 5 minutes and read it, I promise it will be worth it and I hope it blesses you.
I was not planning on sharing this, but I cannot stop thinking about her face. I wish I would have taken a picture so you could see, but I don’t think a picture would do it justice, so I will attempt to paint you a picture with words.
Today was Saturday, and being Saturday, it was our day off from ministry. We had a nice treat in store for us, a tour of the capital city of Estonia, Tallin. Our ministry contact this month, Mart, went with us to the city and was giving us a tour, through the eyes of local who knew of Estonia’s rich and painful history. I was quite a day.
When you are on the Race, it is easy to not want to do ministry on your off days. I am not exempt from these feelings. We do ministry 6 days a week, and being a team leader I attempt to pour out into my team to the best of my ability. Days off are our days. A time to relax and recharge. Its easy to check out, but that’s not the way its supposed to be, ever. Even when your not traveling the world on a crazy eleven month missional, spiritual pilgrimage with the Lord. We should never check out from noticing the broken and hurting people around us who are oh so in need of Gods love. Jesus never checked out, what right do we have to? I have though a lot on this and I am working on it. I am human.
Today as w were walking around the city, we passed through this really cool market that was full of hand knitted clothing of every kind: sweaters, hats , gloves, socks, you name it they had it. As we left the market and turned the corner, I noticed in my peripheral vision a very small, very old Russian woman stooped over in the cold. She was not dressed properly for the weather, and she had two grubby wire hangers in her hands, with a bunch of hand knitted mittens on them. As people walked by, she feebly shook the hangers up and down, trying to coax her wares into catching the eye of a passerby. The look on her face was that of someone who has run out of options and is doing the only thing they can think to do, even though they know it rarely works. It was a look of complete and total despair. I saw all of this as I walked by, and I kept walking. I got to the next corner and turned and looked, she was still there, desperately shaking her hand made mittens, completely dwarfed and overlook by the other nicer stalls all around her. I couldn’t stop turning to look at her. God kept drawing my eyes to her. I tried walking away, my team was already leaving, but I just couldn’t ignore that little twinge in my spirit. I have learned to be obedient to that little check from the Lord, however small or uncomfortable it is. I knew I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I walked off. I turned around and jogged back to her real quick, not knowing what I was going to say, or how she was going to understand me since I don’t speak Russian, but I decided I would give her a little handmade coffee truffle I had in my pocket that I had been saving. Not much but maybe it would bring a smile to her face. As I got closer, I REALLY looked at her for the first time. She had to be at least 80, hunched over and continually shaking her mittens, hoping someone would purchase a set. But the thing that floored me, the thing that broke my heart right there in the middle of a busy intersection in the capital city of Estonia, were the tears streaming down her face. She stood there, silently weeping, I know not why, for so long that her blue jacket was soaked in one spot from the tears that I was literally watching splash on her chest. I was stunned, I didn’t know what to do. She said something to me in Russian as I pulled out my meager, now meaningless seeming, truffle and handed it to her. She pocketed the treat and turned and walked back to my team.
We went down this little street that had a 24 hour flower market, the smells and the colors were vibrant and delicious I know, but they all looked dull and smelled of nothingness to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that woman. Why couldn’t I speak Russian, or have a Russian translator so I could tell her the most amazing news in the world that is Jesus? That He loves her so much and He can take all of her pain away and give her joy. Why couldn’t I tell her that in her language so she could know the best news ever!!??? It wasn’t fair to her I thought to myself, it wasn’t right. As we left the flower market we passed by her corner and I saw her there again, but this time I noticed something that broke my heart again and filled me with anger. There were people swarming all over the stalls, walking up and down the street, buying hamburgers and expensive clothes, and EVERYONE was ignoring her. Its not like she was asking for a handout, she was taking something she had made and legitimately attempting to earn a living. Not one person cared enough about their fellow human to even look at her and simply offer her a smile and acknowledge her existence. No one. I looked across the street and I felt such compassion. There was nothing I could do for her. I couldn’t tell her the good news of the gospel, I couldn’t remove her from her situation and change her circumstances. My heart was breaking into pieces for this woman, and I felt helpless. As I stood there staring at her, my team walking away about to lose me yet again, the Lord checked my spirit.
“ Go show her my love in a practical way, Will. Words aren’t needed,” He spoke to me.
I ran across the street, not even really know what I was going to do. As I stood in front of her again, she looked up into my face and recognized me. She didn’t smile, but I could see something in her eyes, hope, or something akin to that. Tears streaming down her face, religiously shaking her wire hangers with the same mittens still hanging on them, she looked into my eyes. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that God loves her and that Jesus gave His life away for HER. I wanted to bring her back to the staff house that I am living in, feed her and get her out of the cold, but I couldn’t. do. Any. Of. That.
“Show her my love in a practical way”
I did the first thing I could think of, I reached my hand into my pocket and grabbed all the money in there, it wasn’t much maybe 10 or 12 Euros, and pressed it into her empty hand. As she looked at me, shocked because she had grown so accustomed to being ignored and not looked at, I laid my hand on the shoulder of her tear stained jacket, looked her in the eyes and said in English,
“God loves you. I love you”
Then I prayed a prayer that this child of God would come to know our Heavenly Father in her life.
I know she understood me in her heart, in her spirit, and I fully believe that God will use that seed planted in her life for His Glory. As I turned and jogged to catch up with my team, I heard her weakly say “Spicebo”, Russian for thank you. It might have been my imagination, but I could swear that , just for a moment, that there were no longer tears splashing on her jacket.
God broke me in this moment today. Guys, this should be NORMAL. Not the normal reaction of a Christian, but the normal reaction for a HUMAN BEING. What do we have if we cant stop and hug someone who is suffering? If we can take a moment out of our day, that is probably busier than God intends for it to be, and sit with someone whom society has forgotten? If we can’t buy a 5 dollar sandwich for a homeless person and talk to them while they eat? I am just as guilty of this as everyone else. It’s so easy for us to get wrapped up in our worlds, and innocently forget to see the broken people for whom Jesus heart broke and for whom He wept for. Jesus said that we should “Give to everyone who begs from you”. It Is easy for us to look at this verse and think, “ Ok what does this actually mean for me? “ Or if you have been educated on how to study scripture a little deeper, to think” Ok what’s the context, what’s going historically, what’s the Greek word and meaning for the word ‘beggar’ or ‘poor’ ?” It’s easy to come up with our own little matrix of why it doesn’t mean what it means. You know what I think? I think it means we should give to people! To show them love in a way that most choose not to. But what if they are begging and they shouldn’t be begging? Or what if it’s a scam? You know what, it could be. But what are we going to be out, 2 bucks? Is that really going to ruin us?? But, what are we really going to be out on if we can’t obey Jesus and give someone a sandwich and a minute of our time? To simply go up to that person and say, I don’t know if you need this, but it’s all I have right now, in the name of Jesus, blessings. We have to take off our blinders, and let God ruin our day and our schedule once in a while.
