( These are my thoughts, as they are. Twice as long as my normal blogs, but I hope you will enjoy )
Seven months is a LONG time to be abroad, moving every few weeks. It’s a long time to be building relationships and leaving them, over and over again. Its a long time to willfully, and continually, submit under authority when part of me is periodically screaming on the inside, “I’m 27 years old, I can make my own decisions!” And it’s a very long time to be in a challenging community of peers who push you and continually call you out in order to propel you into greatness. It has taken me seven months to truly get to a point where I want to be back home, in Keller Texas, with MY church, and MY family; to get away from all of these tough situations that are showing my weaknesses and my flaws. It would be so EASY, to transition back into my old life like nothing has changed, but unfortunately, that’s impossible. It would be a lie. I have changed. I am not the same person that I was in January, nor are all of the people I love back home. Indeed, life does go on.
Life on the World Race is like something out of a dream, and its easy to not appreciate the people and experiences that God gives us until they are already behind us. This life is hard. I have lived without running water and gone a month without a shower. I have slept on the floor with eight other dudes in a room smaller than my bedroom, and I have called over 30 places “home”, at least for a night. I’ve been rudely grabbed and tugged on and begged for money on the streets of multiple countries. I’ve been faced with poverty, hunger, and homelessness and looked in the eyes of people as they have asked me,
“How will you help me?”
“What hope is there??”
And I have had some of those people walk away in frustration as I told them I had nothing to give them, save prayer and the hope of our savior.
You see, I have been incredibly selfish and petty, because, for the last few weeks, my world has revolved around my discomforts. Waking up early, doing hard work in the hot sun blah blah blah. I have been so “me” centered that I didn’t engage in this beautiful environment around me, and with my team, as much as I could. I have been a little overwhelmed by the fact that I still have almost 4 months until I am back home, but also resolute and excited to keep going.
One of my greatest desires in life is to be a father and a husband who raises and leads his family in such a way that glorifies God, and I realized something the other day that really changed my attitude. When I have a wife and children one day, I cannot simply give up and go home if I get worn out after 7 months or 7 years for that matter. I will have made a commitment to them, and above all else, God. Likewise, I have made a commitment with the Lord to give everything I have to his people everywhere I visit this year, and for the rest of my life for that matter, and I cannot simply give up after 7 months.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Boy oh boy, I am so weak. I am so far out of my depth, and have been; in just about everything I do and have done this year. But the beauty is that we can rejoice in that weakness. We are raised in a culture that tells us to flee from areas and situations that make us weak. Struggling in your marriage? Its ok, bail and get a divorce. Classes to hard? No one will judge you for dropping a few of them. Does this project make you uncomfortable? Its ok, just sit in the back quietly and wait for someone else to step up. But the resounding answer to these misguided teachings is, NO!!! Jesus tells us to press INTO the things where we aren’t sure we know what we are doing. In fact, he takes it a step further and CALLS us to areas and situations where we are weak and out of our depth and that’s ok, because His power is made perfect in weakness. When I am weak, and I am oh so weak, it gives me the humility and desperation to allow the Holy Spirit to come in on my behalf with POWER. Therefore, when I am weak, I am in fact strong by the grace of God, which is sufficient for me.
I been through so much this year and boy have I lived. I have seen the hand of the Lord move in great ways, and I have seen peoples lives forever changed. I have seen beauty like I have never seen in my life, and still God is molding me and shaping me, little by little and ever so precisely. The truth is, after all of this, I am drained and tired and homesick, and that’s the perfect disposition that allows the Spirit to fill me and make me strong. That is how I will finish these next three months, and continue on into the rest of my life in marriage, ministry and fatherhood. I’m giving up on giving up. Don’t bail on the thing your thinking about baling on just because you are out of your comfort zone and out of your depth. PRESS IN, and ask the Lord for His strength, because He promises to give it to those who ask and obey. Give up, and let God be strong where you are weak.
