As Launch gets closer and closer, I find myself getting more and more nervous. When I get nervous I tend to make contingency plans, backup plans and to lay every possible eventuality out so that I will have control of the situation. So that I will know exactly whats going on. I thought that it was working pretty well until I realized that this way of thinking, this method of “controlling” was not leaving God any room to maneuver and do His work. In essence I was saying ” Ok big guy, you have done a great job, but now I am taking over. I got this.” The truth is, I don’t got this. Not even a little bit, not even for a second.
Confession time, I am a control freak. In Gods infinite wisdom He has given me influence over certain people and the ability to lead them. Coupled with this is an innate desire to attempt to bring order to the chaos of many environments by controlling them. This doesn’t tend to work out so well, especially when there are these things called “other people” involved. But do not fret, all is not lost. God has been putting me through a long, arduous refining process This whole year. He has been teaching me ( albeit against my will at times ) to relinquish control, to allow Him to take the reins. Not every once in a while, but ALL THE TIME. Sometimes He doesn’t even ask, He just takes control. Its a good process, a healthy process. Honestly I thought I had learned to allow Him control over everything. I thought I had finally stopped being a control freak. Boy I was wrong.
Good news: one awesome thing about God is that He is never finished refining us.
God has blessed me so abundantly in my support raising for the World Race. He told me to simply meet with people and share the vision He has given me. So I obeyed, that’s all I did. I met with about 12 different families and shared my heart. Every single family has, or is currently supporting me monthly. I met with 12 families, and to date I have 22, that’s TWENTY-TWO, giving units on my support team. More than twice the amount of people I have met with. Including one time donations and monthly supporters who have made commitments through July, I have roughly $13,800 pledged to this mission. In less than 2 months. And I only met with 12 families. I only need $2,500 or $250 in monthly commitments to be fully funded for my trip. Then about $3,000 more in cash for living expenses needs to be raised, and I am D.O.N.E. Out of approximately $20,000 that needed to be raised, the lord has provided about 75%. Fast. WHAT?!?!
I promise this all ties together and I am not asking for money ( unless you want to give 🙂 )
Here is the thing. I didn’t DO anything to get this money raised. God provided it all abundantly and beyond anything I could have ever asked or imagined. ( Eph 3:20 ) And yet, even after all this providence, It has come to my attention that I am still trying to control everything. I am still trying to DO too much.
You see, my support raising is going great, but my personal finances are a jacked up, shameful mess. I can’t even provide the finances to cover my minimal monthly expenses. That makes me feel ashamed. Why? I don’t know, but its true. I have been trying to sell my car, all the while thinking to myself ” If I can just sell this car, it will eliminate a lot of monthly expense and I will be fine. I will be more than fine, I will have plenty of money.” I grew up dirt poor. This is not a slight against my mom, she did a great job raising me and I love her for it. But that’s just the fact. We were dirt poor. So my entire adult life, money has brought me security, up until very very recently. I’m not the guy who works a dead end job. I am the guy who has his bills paid a month in advance. I am the guy who has no less that $5,000 in his savings account, just in case. I am the guy who is financially stable. Not any more. Not by a long shot. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what I am doing.
OK, now its really confession time.
But therein lies the problem. I keep thinking about, I, me, my. How am I going to do this? How am I going to pay my bills? If only I can sell my car. How am I going to get enough MONEY!!!!!!
Its not about money. God whispered to me ” Son, I am your security. I got this”
For so long I have worked so hard to achieve a successful career, education and start a family. It was all about ME. When God took that away I thought I had given Him all control, but in reality, a small part of my subconscious was trying to still control something, anything. And once I realized that I could’t control this financial situation. I panicked. But…. But, God is good. He reminded me of Matthew 11:28 – Come to me you who are weary and burdened, I will give you rest.
Man, I have been in bondage to money for far too long.Even with the best of intentions, I have been a slave to the lie of the security found in money. So I prayed. I repented. I relinquished all control over the sale of the car, my dead end job, and my finances to the Lord. Whatever you want God, have your way. You see I have realized that trying to control everything sucks. Plain and simple. When I am in control I tend to mess things up anyways. So God take it, and do what you will with it because my best, is garbage compared to you not even trying. Finally. Peace.
I know not where this year will take me, but my hope is found in nothing less than Jesus and His whole and irrevocable control over my life.
I challenge you, give up. Give up your wants and desires. Give up control over your life and seek, truly seek, God’s will in every situation. At work. At home. with your family, your kids, your friends. Give up control, and you will receive the peace that passes all understanding.
