Man. The past few months of my life have been an insane whirlwind of ups and downs. Living radically with your finances in the Lords hands monthly is a very… unique experience. By all accounts, and from an American cultural view, I am a failure. I seemingly have nothing going for me. Just another guy who missed his opportunity. Just another loser.
In the past 7 months I have:
-Sold some of my most valuable belongings to pay rent
-Missed WEEKS of work
-Wondered where my next meal was coming from
-Begged my mom for grocery money ( I am 26 )
-Swallowed my pride as my friends picked up the bill for me at lunch, repeatedly
-Fed my Dogs before I fed myself
-Depended on my free meal at work in order to fill my stomach
-Quit an amazing job with great career potential
-Taken a dead end job
-Emptied my savings account
Not very glamorous huh?
But in this time, something very interesting has happened. I have ben forced, for the first time in my life, to desperately depend on Jesus showing up. Every Day. I have grown in my relationship with our Father so much. So, intimately. I am so in love with our creator.
So, from a secular viewpoint, I have nothing going for me. But in the past 7 months I have also:
-Traveled to Trinidad and Honduras
-Witnessed literally HUNDREDS of children give their lives to Christ
-Watched lame legs walk, and cursed men freed
-Participated in HISTORY as God moved in an entire nation, as 1/8th of that nations population accepted Christ in a week
-Led innocent children to the Lord
-Led Gang members to the Lord in Honduras
-Sacrificed my finances for Gods Kingdom
-Watched God show up, month after month, and provide every dollar I needed to cover my expenses, down to the last penny.
-LITERALLY fellowshiped with the Holy Spirit
-Radically called to leave everything I know behind, and go on a missionary adventure with the Lord for a year.
So while I may have no money, have a dead end job, have no savings account and I'm about to sell my car, I have experienced God in a way most people never do.
For we walk by faith and not by sight. Trust me, if I was relying on what I see in my life I would have had a mental breakdown long ago. But I have the peace that passes all understanding, I am 100% irrevocably surrendered to Gods will for my life. This race is going to break me, of that I know. But sometimes in order to be made stronger, first we must be ripped apart.
So if that means, according to the world, I am a failure, a loser, sign me up baby.
