Revealing Hidden Wounds
When God is working in your life, it usually comes through fire. God working, is like someone who is refining gold, the only way to get to the impurities, are through fire, the melting of the gold. Once it has melted, the gold smith dips in his ladle and scoops out it’s impurities. I experienced literal, and metaphorical heat exposing my impurities. I literally burned my feet, and you can read about what that taught me in my last blog. He metaphorically began to heat up my heart when I heard a session about chains.
Sometimes to understand how to breakaway chains, you have to look at the wounds that they have left on you. God exposed the chains to me, and there were gashes in my heart. There were wounds left there that I didn’t realize were hurting me till God revealed them to me. The biggest were five words that I had been hearing in my heart for a long time.
You are not good enough.
You are not good enough for your squad, this trip, the people, or the anything else. This chain was wrapped so heavily around me, I was doubting my decision to go on the world race. I sat through worship that night, and it hurt. It made me question my very purpose.
With tears in my eyes, I fell to my knees, and just listened to words were being sang. All the poor and powerless, and all the lost and lonely. I am poor, I am powerless. All the hearts who are content, and all that feel unworthy. All that hurt with nothing left will know that you are Holy. The words pierced like daggers. I felt so incredibly unworthy, but I am not called to be ashamed of that. I am called to sing out hallelujah, to cry it out.
Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains, go on and tell it to the masses, that He is God.
I had forgotten that this mission trip isn’t about me. It is about MY FATHER! Yeah, I am not worthy, I am poor, I am powerless, I am weak BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER! It isn’t me who is going to be changing lives, it is God.
Then I remembered grace, man what a scandalous thing. When I am at my worst, when I do everything wrong, when I don’t measure up to standards, I can walk into the embrace of Jesus Christ. In my faith, even at my worst, I can dance with Jesus. I was so focused on my walk with God, I left God out of it. I turned it into me trying to get closer to God, not God having already done what is necessary to become closer to me..
“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.” EPHESIANS 2:4-6
Even when we were dead to our sins, He gave us life. My feelings of inadequacy have no place here, because I have been raised up and seated next to Christ!!! I am with him wherever I go, and nothing can change that. I am united with Christ Jesus! I am in the heavenly realms dancing with my friend, my savior. He isn’t looking down on me for my mistakes, He doesn’t condemn me, no He wants me to be with Him.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” EPHESIANS 2: 10
This is where the flames of the Holy Spirit breaks chains away. Reading this verse in first person. For I am God’s masterpiece, He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so I can do the good things he planned for me long ago. He made me anew to do great works. He even says in John, that we will do greater things than He.
The spirit also laid this passage on my heart as was typing this blog.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” GALATIANS 1: 10
For so long, I have tried to please people. I would do anything to get a smile out of someone. I would let myself be silenced just to keep “peace”. I would deprive people of the words from the Holy Spirit in my heart simply to save face. I was not being a servant of Christ, and when the things you invest yourself are meaningless, you will feel the power of those things wrap around you.
The approval of people is just another way we as people try to validate ourselves, and fill the God shaped hole in our hearts, and it leaves it as empty as drugs, sex, and money. It’s just as addictive, and just as dangerous. I have been validated and my hole has been filled, because of three things, I have been raised up and am seated with Christ, I am God’s masterpiece, and he has a plan of good things I will do, and I am serving him not people.
Today my chains of inadequacy are broken, burned away, because God has made me new. In the words of “Beautiful Things” by Gungor.
“All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way, i wonder if my life could really change at all. All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found, could a garden come up from this ground at all. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of dust, You make beautiful things, You make Beautiful things out of us. All around, Hope is springing up from this old ground, out of chaos life is being found. In You.”
If you try to cool the fires of the Holy Spirit in your heart, your impurities will remain there. Their chains will continue to claw and dig, and wound your heart and soul. What he is doing won’t always be comfortable, a lot of times, it will hurt. But if you embrace his fires, he will be able to remove the impurities that plague you, and break the chains that are hurting you.
Stand up and start dancing with Jesus today.
