Oh
Africa… This place is definitely
changing me, but it’s so hard to sit down and decide what to write about. Maybe since I haven’t written in a while has
something to do with the fact that I have no idea what to write about now. I love to tell my stories, but I think for
the first time in a while as I look back on our time in Mozambique, I have no
idea where to begin. It’s almost like I
feel the need to recap everything, but you guys may just need to wait until I
get home to hear all about our time in Mozambique (it was a sweet time too),
because I want to try something new.
Often
time with blogs, the need to update and tell specific stories overwhelms
me. I love to write, but sometimes I
just want to open up and rather than tell you my stories of ministry, tell you
about where I am…right now. This may be
a one-time thing, but I promise, more stories will come.
I’ve
been battling a lot with God about this idea of faith. I understand the definition in Hebrews that
says faith is, “the assurance of things hoped for and the certainty of things
not yet seen.” In Africa it’s almost
easier to be certain about things not yet seen, because these people rely on
the miraculous daily, and often we get to see that. On the other hand, it’s very hard to have
faith that God genuinely cares about the things we hope for. God is so big, why would He waste His time
providing the little things for me that have little to no effect on anyone
else? I keep my fingers crossed that God
will allow these things to happen, but have very little faith that He actually
cares about them.
It’s
funny to hear the very words that I spoke to someone else come back to me just
a short time later. As I fought with God
about how I didn’t see Him as caring about the things that I want or long for,
I was rocked by the power of His pursuit.
Just because things don’t work out exactly the way I plan or even the
way I feel like God is leading me, doesn’t mean He’s no longer pursuing me, or
that He has taken a day off. I was
sitting in church this morning and was nearly brought to tears as I listened to
the women’s choir sing praises in a language that I don’t even understand. It was at the point that I heard the whisper
say, “I’m still here, and I want to show you my love.”
God
pursues me. He pursues all of His
children. I get this picture of a man
pursuing his bride with all that he has, caring more for her wants than his,
but rather than roses and fancy dates, God pursues me with a purpose and a vision
for my life. Even my deepest longings
pale in comparison to the plan that He has for me and that blows my mind. Who am I that He would find me worthy to
chase after? I do mean “chase after” too
because I’m stubborn and often times my ideas sound really good and He can’t
possibly know me better than I know myself…right? My life would be a lot more boring if that
were true.
So
this morning I was blindsided by the pursuit of God as He allowed me to pray
healing over an entire congregation and some were actually healed
physically. There are many more that I
know are going through spiritual and emotional healing even now and I cannot
wait to celebrate when they walk into complete healing. How can I walk into a church building
battling with God and a couple of hours later be used to bring healing to His people? I guess I’m beginning to see how little this
thing has to do with me but how much God still longs to use me.
Don’t
doubt God’s pursuit of you. You don’t
have to be the one that does all the chasing because He’s the one running after
you. Just be willing to give up your own
chase and be overtaken by His, because His is so much more exciting…
