About
once a month or so, I’ve wanted to write a post about where I am with
my relationship with all things God, religion, or church. It’s been
such a sweet time of reflection and I’m thankful for you guys reading
through that monthly post. You can read the previous ones if you’ve
missed any in that series (My Father, Rabbi, Generous Giver Initiator, Creator, Rescue, Savior, Church, Redeemer, and Tension). I call it a series, but they’re really sporadic and really only related because of the idea.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of planning lately and I’m convinced I’m getting pretty good at it. Historically, I’ve been a great problem solver and I tend to make pretty good decisions even if it looks like there’s no chance it could possibly work. Several months ago I even went out and bought a planner so I could stop flaking out on things and remember all the things that I’m supposed to remember. At this point, I’m feeling fairly confident about my decision making and planning skills. It’s usually around this time that I get humbled and get an all too familiar reminder that I’m not God.
Usually this reminder comes in a form of public humiliation or a decision taking a horrible turn or anything that can knock my pride down a few rungs. However, this time has been a little different. Coming home this time, my goal was to plan, learn, and get direction for where I’m headed. I expected a lot of those answers to come out of my own head after looking at options, pros and cons, circumstances, and finally just pulling the trigger. This time I’ve been humbled in a totally different way. This time I haven’t even been able to make the call because things have literally just fallen into my lap. I haven’t even had to scramble.
God humbles us in different ways. For me, because I always seem fairly confident, it usually comes in the form of me having to say I was wrong or owning up for a bad decision. Very rarely do I just get overwhelmed by how much better God is than me, and I’m humbled by the fact that He knows better than me. I needed a job when I got home to build my savings. I wanted to learn and study how the business end of things work so I’ll be prepared for some of the new roles I’m stepping into. Within two days of being in Tuscaloosa, I got offered a job working directly under the president of the company, who verbally processes every decision with me. On top of that, two of the most valuable friendships I have, both giants in the business world, both also offered to mentor me without even asking.
On top of this, I feel like God has taken my life and twisted it like a spyglass and a little of what is in front of me has become clear. This just so happens to be the exact prayer Tara was praying for me the entire weekend as all this clarity was coming. Now I trust my decision making and the discernment I have in most situations, but how much easier is it to not have to wrestle with a decision because all you have to do is just keep walking forward. That’s a humbling road to walk because there’s literally nothing you’re doing aside from walking on a straight path,which any average tow year old can do.
Now, I’m not saying this is how life is always with Jesus. It’s not that easy. Honestly though, from an outsiders perspective, I may not even have a ton to brag about; but,then again, I’m more than satisfied and excited with where my life is right now, so maybe I am a little ahead of the game. The crazy part is that I’ve done nothing to get myself here other than show up and get a little lucky at times. Doors are opening up that shouldn’t really be opening and it’s all because I’m not the one that’s in charge. I may get a couple of decisions along the way, but it’s kind of like a dad asking his kid where they want to go for dinner. He’s already preparing for a Happy Meal and driving towards the golden arches, but the kid makes the “official” decision.
So I guess what I’m trying to say with this post is that I’m acknowledging my lack of control. I try to make decisions and even provide direction, but I’m nothing apart from my Planner. His ways are always better than mine and His thoughts are always much more brilliant. I guess as much as I want to, I really can’t take any credit. Now that’s much more humbling than public humiliation.
