I want to Quit…
In the last month, I was sick for two weeks, I got stung by multiple bees, I sliced my foot open, got sunburned 2 times so bad it blistered, and I got hit by a motorcycle in the road… And I broke.
I sat down this month and all I thought was, I could be home right now.
I could be singing in the car with Kailey right now
I could be laughing with my mom and dad on the couch
I could be having face to face conversations with real people.
I could be starting seminary.
But instead I’m being stretched further than I want, I’m being fed rice, and beans, and rice and beans. I’m standing in the sun for 7 hours a day, I’m crying and breaking, and being put back together all at once. And it hurts.
I’m in the desert. I heard a sermon this week that really changed my perspective on this race and the time commitment. It said Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights- which in Hebrew stories meant- a really long time. And sometimes just like Jesus the holy spirit, or God puts us in a desert. And the desert is hot, it’s hard, we are tempted, we are surrounded by wild animals, but we walk out a new person, we walk out changed.
And changing who we always sound great, until you realized that it could take 40 days and 40 nights, It might take a really long time. It might take 11 months in a foreign country.
You might think this is your new home, suffering in a desert, but God will bring you out of it, and he will sustain you through it.
So today I’m thankful for the desert.
I’m thankful for the smiling African children that pet my arms and pull my hair every morning.
I’m thankful for hosts that have loved me as if I was their own daughter, even when I was sick, and making them take me to the doctor.
I’m thankful for teammates that push me to be raw, and authentic, and open with them even when it terrifies me.
I’m thankful for men that have taught me to trust again, and shown me the love of a brother in Christ.
I’m thankful for the lack of communication that allows me to put my phone down and pick up a book!
I’m thankful for giggling “at risk” children that live next door to me, that trust me, and love me.
I’m thankful for being called auntie.
I’m thankful for the dreams and desires that God is restoring during this season.
I’m thankful for nicknames like Winnie, and Wheat Thin.
And most of all, I’m thankful for this race.
To be honest I don’t know where I’d be if I were home but I do know I wouldn’t be the same, Whitney. Now don’t get me wrong, I love who I was before the race, but I love myself so much more now. I love others better, and I love God more and more each night during our nightly bible times.
The desert is hot. The desert is uncomfortable, and its straining. But we have a good God who, much like he sustained Jesus in the desert, will sustain us. He will pick us up when we are down, he will sweat in the sun with us to chase a soccer ball, he will cry with us when things get tough, he won’t leave.
If you’re feeling alone in the desert, don’t forget your sustainer, your rock. He’s always with you.
