Each month of the race the last days before leaving I hope to post about something God taught me, sometimes about myself, sometimes about him.
Papa, what did I learn in Colombia?
“A lion, mighty among beasts, who retreats before nothing” Proverbs 30:30
Do you remember the Lion King as a kid? Most of us growing up have seen the movie, a classic with songs that you can listen to and be immediately immersed in the African landscape watching Simba get raised up above the animals. A baby lion, who would soon be fierce and strong.
As I grew up I use to think lions were so fantastic, so bold, so fierce. The Kings of Africa, I wanted to be that lion, I was a lion. Yet, in the midst of my childhood, days I started to change my thinking.
“You talk too much”
“You are too loud”
“You talk to too many people during class”
“You’re annoying”
My lion’s roar was starting to dimish into nothing and I wasn’t even aware of it, at least I wasn’t until this month. Then we started talking about being vulnerable, learning about our roots. We all have a root inside us that’s evidence of a pain that’s given us a sour taste.
Mine was my voice.
I didn’t realize it at first until one of my squadmates Maci ran up to me one day and said: “You have a really loud voice”.
Immediately I retreated and beat myself up and apologized. “I’m sorry”.
“No, it was a compliment.”
A root was there for sure. I was damaged goods, bitter at my own loudness and my own voice. I started to pray about it, especially right before preaching at the homeless service. I prayed “God if you want me to use my voice for you, to preach for you, then let this service be a success, if not then it will be a flop.”
I was giving myself an out again. You see for the last 5 years God has been calling me to ministry. Calling me to use my voice to spread the gospel. I was just too afraid to say yes. I was scared that it would remind me of my annoying voice. In my mind my voice wasn’t one of a lion, it was one like a hyena. I mostly thought of my voice is the hyenas from lion king, scratchy, and annoying.
I got done preaching and 7 men and 1 woman stood after the service for prayers, these 8 people admitted after hearing my sermon they wanted to end their lives, they were suicidal. We prayed for them and I walked away from that night with a new perspective on my voice.
My voice isn’t one of a hyena, its a gift from God. God uses my voice like a door, to open up the holy spirit to speak into others. I had been so manipulated by the thoughts of others I was ignoring Gods gift and saying no to him.
So that day on a roof of a building in the middle of Medellin I drew myself. I wasn’t a hyena, I was a lion. And no one can silence the lion’s roar, not even the enemy of God. No one can silence the holy spirit within me.
When I was done drawing and praying I apologized to God for saying no to him time and time again and vowed to use my voice for ministry when I get back home. And I was reminded by a leader that I can use that voice strong for the next 10 months too.
So in the end, as I leave Colombia in 2 days I’m reminded of my lion. The enemy wanted me to believe I was a hyena, a miserable, dark creature. But instead I am a lion, and as scripture says…
“A lion, mighty among beasts, who retreats before nothing” Proverbs 30:30
Papa,
I will not retreat away from you, I will stand firm in my faith and trust your mighty roar. Even when the world is against me you are before me, you are beside me, you are behind me. Thank you for the roar within and for the ways you’ll call me to use it. Help me to hear those calls and to respond. To trust in you.
Amen.
I’ll see you again someday Colombia.
