During training camp this week, we had an assignment to write a practice blog about out our experience. Below is what I wrote in my journal, and it was exactly what I wanted to share on here.
If I had to sum up training camp in one word, it would be freedom.
I had really no idea what kind of experience I would be walking in to. I had heard the crazy stories about the food, about the sleeping arrangements, etc., but I had no idea the spirit of freedom that was there, that I would leave with, that would fill me.
Honestly, when I came to training camp, I was not in a good place. I think everyone would tell you that, actually, because training camp has a way of tearing off your mask and revealing the brokeness underneath.
Future racers, be open. Be open to what God wants to do in you, because the raw brokeness is so much more beautiful than the ugly mask. The first two days I was there, that was my prayer. Jesus, keep me open. Keep me open to your work in me. Tear down walls and fill me up. When you pray that, be prepared. He wants to answer. He wants to love you. He wants to love you so much.
Twice it was spoken to me within the first three days, use your voice, you have wisdom. To be honest, I didn't really realize I wasn't using my voice, because I was just trying to stay comfortable in the uncomfortable. I was trying to stay behind the walls I had built. I knew they needed to come down, but I was still relying only on myself.
One night during worship, the Holy Spirit came over me and I started shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know why, I didn't understand, I had never had that happen before! I just knew to trust God, because He was doing a work in me. As someone came and prayed over me, I was filled with a boldness and the power of the Holy Spirit. I started using my voice. It came out. I started using my voice.
God literally shook down my walls and filled me with His Spirit and I am so grateful. So many people told me after that night that I had come alive. I didn't do anything. God did. He brought me alive.
So stop. Stop trying. Don't try to look like you have it all together, because you and I and God all know that you don't. Quit hiding behind the mask of perfection. Rip it off, expose your brokeness, use your voice and experience freedom.
Stay open to God.
Let Him do what he does best.
Let Him create new life.
You just walk in the freedom.
