It happened again last night—the nightmare that continues to rob me of rest. And I’m tired of it. So, today, I’m writing to the nightmare.
There’s a room full of people that I know, and they are all dressed in casual clothes, talking and laughing together. I walk into the room wearing a ball gown, dressed as immaculately as a Disney princess. I feel beautiful, joyful, and excited.
But as I enter the room, no one sees me. I approach several different friends and try to talk to them, but they all ignore me. No one will even look at me. The longer I am ignored, the more disheartened and ugly I feel, even though I still look like a princess.
I am left standing alone in the midst of everyone’s merriment, while the chatter inside my head taunts me, saying that I am invisible and unwanted.
Liar. Let me set you straight.
I know your tricks. You try to attack my identity by attaching who I am to how valuable I am in the eyes of man. You try to tell me that how beautiful I look determines how much I will be loved.
You also try to tell me that I am never beautiful enough, that I won’t ever meet man’s standards and therefore, am not worthy of time or attention.
And for most of my twenty-four years, I believed you. I allowed myself to be your slave. I gave the mirror permission to be my judge, like you wanted me to.
But, I’m done with you because Jesus showed me what a conceited liar you are.
Why should I continue to measure myself by the standards of the world when I was made to bear the image of the Lord God?
Why should I strive to be what the world defines as “beautiful” when the Lord God created and encompasses all beauty?
Why should I allow man to dictate how much I’m worth when Jesus already said, “I am willing to be cursed, die a torturous death, fight all of Hell, and come back from death just to be with you forever”?
Nightmare, you used to tell me who I am because I let you. But, today, I’m telling you who I am.
I am the beloved daughter of the Most High King. I am the image bearer of the Living God. I am a testament to His constant grace and enduring love.
And I don’t care if you think I’m beautiful.
So, good night to you.
