In honor of Mr. Foxworthy and his redneck jokes, here’s a
short list of recent experiences that complete the phrase, “You might be in Thailand if you…”
1. Taught English class on a concrete slab. (Every weekday night. I’m growing attached to kids by the name of
Thax, Noon, Din, and Kitty. It’s
confirming my desire once again to teach ESL-English as a Second Language-part
time when I’m in the States.)
2. Sat on the floor
of a convenience store and prayed for the owner. (She’s a friend of our pastor and loaded us up with goodies on my birthday.)
3. Ate a filling
lunch of duck, rice, cucumber, and soup for $1.
4. Almost floated on
an inner tube to another country. (It
was while on some lake dividing Thailand and Cambodia. Imagine the potential disaster of floating up
to the border of Cambodia without a shirt, let alone any sort of visa or
passport.)
5. Have swept a dirt
floor in order to make it cleaner. (It
really did look less leafy and, I guess the best comparison is to those lines
that the vacuum cleaner leaves.)
6. Was stared down by
a water buffalo. (Lucky for the buffalo
I didn’t charge.)
7. Sustained an
injury from a 95 year old woman. (What’s
there to explain? She intentionally
massaged some deep tissue in my forearm until I winced in pain.)
8. Counted six geckos
on the wall during our nightly feedback time.
(Truly amazing creatures.)
9. Saw a dog enter
our church service and bark at the feet of the pastor during the offering
prayer.
10. Put my hand in a
low-lying ceiling fan with metal blades, causing three lacerations all on my
middle finger. (Not as bad as it might
sound, but not as good as I would like.)
11. Handed out Gideon
Bibles at a military run camp. (Think
mandatory Boy Scouts for high schoolers.)
12. Shared a shower
with a frog. (It was on the hose not
causing any problems, so who am I to start a conflict unnecessarily?)
13. Continued to
brush my teeth even though I saw a spider the circumference of a peach hanging
below the sink mirror. (To be honest, I
paused, showed a friend, then continued brushing hoping it wouldn’t pounce down
onto my hand.)
14. Teethed on a
chicken’s foot. (I bit down, met more
resistance than I desired, and bailed.)
15. Ate an ant in my
soup. (It must have fallen in from one
of the branches overhead. I moved it
around with my spoon, then figured, “Heck, I might as well eat it.” Not sure what came over me-or what logic left
me-in that moment. It had a slight
crunch.)
16. Had my hair
braided and secured with obnoxiously bright bands. (I’ve been growing my hair for months in
anticipation of getting something done in Africa, so this was a practice
run. It’s difficult not to look at, but
also so loud you want to look away. 
Catch 22?)
I’m off to take some Advil.
A tightened scalp doesn’t exactly relieve cranial pressure.
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