Back in high school there were superlatives that either
improved or crushed the self-esteem of teenagers everywhere with categories
such as Cutest Smile, Best Couple, Best Dressed, and Most Likely to Succeed. Ghana, a place with big hearts and big
smiles, is certainly unique enough to win more than a few superlatives. After much debate, here are the winners.
Closest Replica of American Comfort Food: “Pure
Groundnut Paste.” Yes, it resembles
peanut-butter, but if it doesn’t quite look, taste, or smell the same, can we
still call it the same thing?
Best Way to Transport Just About Anything: “On Top
of the Head.” A walk down the street
is like a moving circus with balancing acts being performed by men and women-mainly
women-of all ages.
Most Comical Name for Facial Hair: “He
Goat.” We call it a goatee. Same same, but different. 
Oddest Method of Eating: “Not
Chewing Fufu.” Fufu is a large ball
of starch, made from pounded plantains or yam, served in sauce, and to eat you tear
off a piece with your hand and swallow it whole. I’m under the impression that the eating
technique is for survival purposes, so the food-potentially the only meal for
the day-digests slower.
Most Edible Tree:
“Yams.” I’m sorry, but what they call yams are not
yams. They seriously look like trees.
Most Common Form of Greeting: “Handshake
with a Snap.” There’s a few things I
will continue upon my return to the States, this is one of them.
Best Way to Drink Water: “From a
Sealed Plastic Bag.” No cup or
bottle needed. Tear off a corner of bag
with your teeth and start hydrating.
Freshest Food:
“Chicken Eggs with Feathers Still
Attached.” Although clearly the
exception, feathers are not uncommon to see still clinging to an uncooked
breakfast.
Most Noticeable Facial Feature: “Scars
on Their Cheeks.” More than a few
Ghanaians have scars on their face to designate which village they are
from. It’s typically about a one inch
scar on the cheek, but I’ve seen up to three scars on each cheek before.
Easiest Way to Have a Child in Tow: “Strap
‘em on Your Back.” A mix of
feelings including entertainment and fear come over me as I watch the baby’s
head bounce with each step because it’s the only part of the body not restricted
by the sarong-like material wrapping the child to the mother’s lumbar region.
Best Way to Designate Magical Powers: “Ankle
and Wrist Bracelets.” Apparently my
gifts from Nicaragua mean that I am mystical or magical. 
Biggest and Best Bodies: “Women
and Men, respectively.” Maybe it’s
just because we came from Thailand-land of petite women-but the women are
definitely “normal” sized here and the men are all ripped. Almost every laborer looks like a
professional athlete or model.
Additional Categories
Ghana has received Honorable Mentions For:
Largest Families:
Nephews or nieces are also referred to as your “children.”
Most University Graduates Serving Country: After graduating all students must serve the
country for one year in one of a variety ways including teaching, counseling,
etc.
Biggest Advocates of George Bush: Let’s just say they like him enough to name
the main road that is under construction after him.
Easiest Hair Style to Maintain: School age girls-younger than college age-all
have short hair. The guys have the same
hair style because of the heat. Most
things outside of that, such as a fo-hawk or lines, are seen to designate a
defiant or rebellious person.
English to English Translator Needed: All University students speak English, but
when we attended a college play recently I could only understand approximately
10% of the dialogue. The accent is
difficult to say the least.
Most and Least Creative Names: Every child is referred to by the day they
were born on and their first names including monikers such as Gift, Holy,
Patience, and lots and lots of Emmanuels.
Best Sweat Weight Loss Program: Remember the Bagel Bites commercials that
talked about pizza in the morning, evening, and at suppertime? It’s similar just replace pizza with the word
“sweat” and add night to the list of time periods.
Thank you for everyone who voted and made this year’s Ghana
Superlatives such a success as well as Josh Woodmansee and Jamie Neumann for their photos, encouragement, and input throughout this process. Medasi.
(Thank you in Twi.)
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