Whether you noticed or not, I posted less blogs last month
than I usually do. Part of this is to
blame on the internet in Africa, but the main reason is because of my focus
while on the World Race. Since I was
called up to be a squad leader about three months ago, my perspective shifted from
the monthly ministry to focus on the Team Leaders and the overall health of the
team. True, I do spend my days
ministering alongside the teams, but often when I’m “off the clock” my mind is
racing about what’s going on with the squad, what I want to be happening, why
isn’t it-or is it-happening, and then every once in a while I’ll escape to the
upstairs dining room of a local Togo restaurant to put my thoughts down on
paper. (Guess where I’m at?)
Except that what consumes my thoughts from when I wake up on
travel days to before I go to bed each night can’t be put in writing. I can’t write about the personal
conversations I have with my squad members that at times define my weeks and
months. I can’t write about plans we
have for future months in case they don’t actually come to pass. I can’t share the tough decisions we have to
make with integrity as our guide, or the misunderstandings we have to swallow
and say, “Thank You,” when we see a bigger picture that we can’t share. I can’t post what Katie, Jory, and I talk and
pray about. I can say that we have to
fight to find time to talk about ourselves and even each other, but so much
needs to be left out in the best interests of our squad, its members, and in
the name of honor.
I can talk about how so often we are honored by our squad
mates, but it doesn’t feel right to put in names and details. I can talk about my desires for those we meet
in each country, but saying, “I desire for _________ on our squad to walk in
more freedom,” doesn’t seem appropriate.
Even right now, I tried to convince myself that I can share more, and I
started to type something, but I felt like somehow it would be dishonorable. As
if, I have been entrusted with praises and prayer requests that usually I just
need to sit on.
Transparency is something that we are striving to promote,
but I’m realizing that timing is an aspect of discernment. It’s not usually the “what you say,” it’s
also the “who to” and “when.”
More than anything I want to extend an apology to you, the
reader, because I have done a poor job recently in bringing you along on this
journey. Yes, I’ve posted pictures and
shared interesting tidbits, but that’s not what this calling is about. I am blessed.
It seems like every day I grasp some simple concept on a deeper level
because of the experiences I’m having, but also because of the people I get to
travel around the world with. It’s not
because of me or how my brain works, but I’m believing more that because of how
God uses people to bring glory to His name and the reality of this crazy
lifestyle I get to live that I have things to impart. The time is now. If I continue to wait, the year will be
reduced to a, “It was good. I learned a
lot.” I can’t wait any longer.
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