Where is my heart if it’s not yours
What earthly thing becomes my Lord
Without your love I’m falling down
Just wait my son you’ll come around
These were words the Lord gave me two months before I launched to Costa Rica. I really didn’t know what the meaning of them in my life was then, but I can safely say he wanted me to have them for these first few weeks abroad.
So I’m here! We landed in San Jose, Costa Rica just over four weeks ago. I know, I can’t believe I’m just now sending out my first blog after a month, but I’ve only had internet on very rare occasions, so praise the Lord for gifting me with some in a cafe this weekend! Ok so a quick rundown of what our day to day looks like here. My team is working with a ministry called The Hope Project. It’s a community outreach ministry based in downtown San Jose that focuses on bringing the community in and building them up in practical ways while sharing the love of Jesus. They have all kinds of different programs available, so my team has been doing things ranging from Hip Hop dance lessons to cooking for Women’s groups to teaching English. Honestly the variety has been a huge blessing, because it helps keep us moving. We either go in the morning and serve until mid afternoon, or we have afternoon ministry that goes from early afternoon to around eight or nine at night. Typically each day has some sort of evangelism, hospitality portion, discipleship, and class. I’ve also been given the opportunity to do several videos for the ministry to help promote their programs and share their stories, which has been a dream come true (Thank you to my supporters who are helping make that possible!).
Ok so I want to jump into one of the things that the Lord has been teaching me since I’ve been here. So to be transparent with you guys for a bit. . . When I arrived, my sights were set on the results of this trip. I had just relaunched into the field from a GREAT time at home with family and loved ones, and to help keep me grounded and focused on what the Lord had in mind for my next chapter in life— being abroad in Costa Rica— I let my heart drift to being filled with what I could get out of this trip and how changed I could be by the end of it. It was hard to recognize at first because it just seemed like motivation to get a lot out of this season, but in reality, it was a completely pride based focus on how I can be better in the eyes of others and in the eyes of the Lord after learning more. That mindset is a performance based mindset, and the Lord doesn’t ask us to perform, He asks us to be sons and daughters of him and to live out of that identity. His greatest desire for us is to love us, and our desires our meant to line up with His, which means, our greatest desire should be to love him RIGHT where we’re at. The Lord has such incredibly huge plans for us each and every day. EVERY single day people. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in waiting for the spirit to give us that “Holy Spirit heartbeat” to prompt us to go talk to someone about Jesus, or like me when I first arrived, getting sucked up in the later and the results instead of the now. The Lord has plans NOW. He could come back any day, and every person that walks by us is an opportunity. The Lord calls us to reach out to those around us. To love our neighbors. To seek out the lost. To fight to bring the kingdom down TODAY. Ok I’m going off on a rabbit trail that I wasn’t really intending to go on, but you guys get my point. He’s a good God, and we can share that with anyone. It’s really exciting.
Another challenge he’s been walking me through is giving back to him what he gave to me. Something that the Lord taught me last semester was to be confident in what he’s given me. It went along with all the identity stuff that I blogged about a lot. Well I didn’t realize how easy it was to twist that and turn it into using his gifts for myself. Pride is so sneaky. It’s also really obvious sometimes but we don’t like to admit it. Since I’ve been here the Lord has ever so gently shown me the things that he gave to me and how I’m using them for myself. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. The thing is, he showed me a glimpse of his heart behind this all, and it blew me away. The Lord is a good father, and he gave me the gifts that I have. He doesn’t WANT to take them away. He’s a good father. He wants you to keep them, but he wants them to glorify him. In my situation, the Lord told me that yes, he does want me to use my gifts, but he wants me to love him so much, that they can’t help but point back to him. He just wants that kind of relationship. When that kind of realization hit me, it brought me to tears. It’s such a simple concept, but it hit me hard because of how performance focused I was. I was so focused on growing my gifts and exercising them and getting “better for the kingdom”, that I lost sight of how beautifully simple the fatherly love of the Lord is.
The Lord is so good. He loves us so much. Thank you father for where you have me right now. Through the good and the bad he is faithful.
I love you all and I’m praying for you! I’m also working on another blog that I’ll release as soon as it’s finished and I can snag some wifi that gives more details on the culture here and what it’s been like for a “gringo”. Also I’ll embed my first video that I managed to get uploaded!
P.S. Family, tell forest to halt and that he may resume growing upon my return.
