The past couple of weeks I’ve been at a really rocky place on the inside but I’m not sure many people have even noticed. I’ve been battling emotions that I’ve never really felt before. There are days where I have to isolate myself from everything, & lock myself in my dorm room just to keep from breaking down in front of others. You ever look at someone in the eyes & just feel the pain they are going through before they say one word? You ever walk into a completely quiet room & it seems as if you can hear the cries of others? We’ll that’s what I’ve been feeling here the past couple weeks.
WHY? The reason is because I prayed for it. I asked God to allow my to feel the pain of others so that I can do something if possible to help them, so that I could pray for them, so I could maybe give them words of encouragement. I’ve been praying for my heart to be transformed more & more daily. I’ve been praying that I see every situation the way God desires me to see, & to love others in only a way that He can teach.
Two days ago in Sunday School, I felt hurt, I felt heartbreak, I felt sorrow. If you would have asked my why when I first started feeling this way I wouldn’t have known exactly, but I knew it was the pain of someone else. Maybe an hour later in service as everyone sang & praised, I looked over at one of my bible studies family members as he praised & the hurt grew more & more. At that moment I felt that the hurt I was feeling was his, but I still didn’t know what was going on.
I left my seat, went down to the alter, fell on my face, cried, prayed for him & prayed for understanding.
After service he came up to me & tells me what was going on with him & all I could do was smile, smile at the greatness of our Heavenly Father.
This may seem crazy to some that I would pray for such a thing, but I want to love like Our Heavenly Father loves & if it takes hurting for others I’m willing to bear it all.
This is why I want to dedicate my life to letting God work through me in the missions field, I want to feel the pain of others, I want my heart to break for whatever breaks Our Heavenly Father’s heart, I want to love like Him, I want to develop a love so deep for others that there may be no words to describe it.
Break my heart for what breaks yours Father.
