Who am I to take this role…?
What am I doing…?
What if I fail…?
Can I do this…?
Am I cut out for this…?
Will they look up to me…?
Are they comfortable following my lead…?
These are just a few of the questions that have been plaguing my mind since I have been risen up as a team leader. Yes you read that right, I was invited to be a team leader and… I accepted. I am a team leader…
I don’t mean to sound full of myself about being risen up but simply stating what has happened. If anything I’m feeling quite the opposite.
And it honestly still sometimes terrifies me.
It started about two months ago when my previous [Agua Viva] teammates started saying, “You are a leader” more and more frequently. They used examples of how I was bold in giving feedback or how my actions in carrying out needs that had to be met were leader-quality (again, their words not mine). Of course I didn’t believe them and would make up excuses that it was just who I was. There was even one moment when my teammate said that my leadership skills may be used sooner or later, after the race. I kept holding onto the hope that it was the latter. At other times I even found myself thinking, “I am not a leader– they’re just saying that to be nice.”
Yet I kept hearing that. Even my friend back home who wrote me a card for every month I’m on the race, wrote me saying she would not be surprised if I were to go into a new season on the race with a leadership role. I brushed that stillness right off. But was surprisingly encouraged that she’d that.
All this to say here I am, the team leader or captain as my new teammates would call me to the groovy crew.
How did I get from a state of denial to acceptance of this role, you ask? Well it’s because of God. No surprise there.
Because God was giving me hints all along that this is what He was asking me to step up into this; into boldness. Underneath it all, I did feel a little excited and humbled when people would say they saw me as a leader. It was just a matter of time for me to learn to accept that quality of myself and to accept the role because God was simply asking me to.
So here’s to choosing to be obedient to God’s calling for me right now in this season and all the challenges that come along with it. Here’s to choosing to walk into the plans He has for me. Here’s to choosing Him.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still neither 100% comfortable or confident with this role, nor do I think I will ever be, but I’m pretty confident in God. He knows what’s best.
I’m currently learning the ropes of being a leader. I’m recognizing the need to cling onto God all the time. It’s not me that’s leading this team but God, I just need to trust that and believe it daily. As my teammate Jaclyn put it, I need to carry my cross daily. She got the scripture for this when we first came together and prayed over out team (read her blog!).
Not to mention, my teammates who are such a blessing. They give me the grace I so rarely give myself and so much encouragement when I least expect it. My teammate/bestie Jaclyn gave me her key necklace for the month because it says grace, to remind me to give myself that. I also gave her my key necklace that says bold so she can walk more confidently into it (she’s already doing a great deal of work in it!). We basically traded keys for the month. See below to read about my key.
Since it’s still technically Friday in the U.S., I’m coining this little excerpt “Flashback Friday” to when I first chose to live into being bold (see what I did there with the word and the writing of the word? punny, right?)
On that note, thanks for reading guys! Stay warm or cool, depending on where you you are (I’m having to do both as it gets hot during the day and cold at night).
