This month the Lord has been working in a me a new heart: one that comes with a boisterous voice, and stepping up to use it, instead of hiding behind-the-scenes and serving that way.
And to say that it was easy is far from the truth.
I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to use that still, quiet voice that I have- in telling my teammates how difficult this month has been with being motivated to do ministry or even using it to tell others about Jesus by simply inviting them to a church event (i.e. an evening children’s program, or a church gathering, worship night).
Ironically so, instead of serving by means of playing with children or helping out in the kitchen, we’ve done a lot of work with evangelizing for local church events around the area. And the thing about evangelism is that it requires you to use your voice, for the sake of God’s glory. This is what exactly what I had to do, but I didn’t. Instead of stepping out in boldness and doing, I chose to partner up with one of my more enthusiastic teammates who is a natural evangelizer and have her do most of it. I simply followed and talked to a few people or translate for her at times.
As I reflect upon this time and my the one-on-one talk with my team leader Jaivie, I realized that what I was doing could also be a form of pride, as pointed out by Carolyn.
Simply said, I am stubborn. If I think that I am not worthy of the task or if there is someone else who could do it better, I then simply chose not to do the task at all, as shown above. When I think that I am not needed or not deserving of complelting it, I simply don’t act. Then Carolyn gave me this article about just this thing: “The Most Subtle Form of Pride” and I was blown away that it was my pride. How could this one act, of which I thought was helping others, by getting out of that way could actually be hurtful to the others around, and myself?
And yet it was hurtful- because I chose not to step out in faith and help my teammates, because I chose not to listen to God. It was all because I decided for myself who I thought was and not who God has called me to be.
So yes, this month God has been working in me how to stay strong in my identity that is rooted from Him and forming an identity statement that goes a little like this:
I am Wendy Soon Lee.
I am beautiful
By His hands I have been wonderfully made.
I am worth being known;
I have a boisterous voice ready to be heard.
I can lead through my actions and my words.
I am loved, desired and worth pursuing.
I am His beloved.
[Behind the story about the name card above in the picture: In Argentina a team leader did a talk about identity and had his team make these name cards for each person on squad, and wrote the meaning of our full name on the other side. Wendy: to wander and change, Soon: gentle Lee: meadow or woods. They then had us write out our identity statement of truth on there as well, which is what I have written up above.]
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