On September 25th, while on my first month of The World Race, I recieved a message from my sister saying "Wendy please call me asap." Right away my heart sank, I knew she would only write that if something was seriously wrong. I remember telling one of my teammates that I was afraid to call because I knew it was bad news; I had a gut feeling. I knew I had to call right away, my sister answered the phone crying heavily and immediately told me the news that our mother had passed away unexpectantly. She was diagnosed with a blood disorder about a year ago and was being treated for it, the treatment seemed to be working great.She caught a virus and got extrememly sick and her body must have been too weak to fight it.
A memorial painting my brother painted in remembrance of our mother.
I cannot really explain the immediate sadness that came over me, it was like nothing I had ever felt before; like a piece of my heart went missing and I could feel the big empty hole that remained.
How do I process this? I am miles away from home in the Philippines, I just got over being very sick and had to take a week off of ministry; and now this news was being sprung on me? I didn't know how to deal with it or accept it.
My mind immediately went into a deep thinking mode, and I started thinking about the last phone call I had with my mother. It was only a few days before she passed away. She was so excited when she heard my voice on the other end of the phone, her voice lit up and she was wanting me to fill her in on how my trip was going. We ended our phone chat with "I love you," not knowing that would be the last time I would ever get to tell her that.
My teammates were so comforting and sensitive to me during this devastating time, but I felt in my heart I had to be with my sister; she was really the only one who could truly understand how I felt and we needed to be together to grieve the loss of our mother.
I've been in Kentucky staying with my sister for about 3 weeks now, and I have been blessed to have limitless time with her and my 21 month old niece. These 3 weeks have been very hard, but good. The time to grieve was needed, and it was something I could not do while on the race. On the race we are constantly pouring into those we are ministering to, I needed this time to be poured into. Time seems to make the pain get easier to bare, I am starting to feel the Lord's comfort and peace over this situation. Regardless of how much it hurts, His plans are perfect and His understanding goes beyond what our human minds can even begin to grasp. I know she is in a better place, pain free, joyful, restored, celebrating, and most importantly with our Saviour. It's just learning to live without her that will be very challenging. Learning to live, while still keeping her memory alive and a part of my life.
Brielle Mykenna my niece, it is so hard to be sad when she's around. She
brings so much Joy into our lives. She was my mother's only grandchild and
she was a proud grandmother.
I can honestly say, I've felt so much confusion during my grieving time, it seems my mind quickly turns negative rather than finding the positive. I know I am in a weak state and I need the Lord's strength to persevere. Amongst my confusion there is one thing I am not confused about, I know I am meant to return to my World Race Trip and meet up with my teammates. I know I was called to this, and I know my mother was my biggest fan, I want to finish the race in her honour. It's hard to see past this large financial amount I have to raise in a short period of time in order to return to my trip next month.
Currently, I need $4,800 to return to the mission field in November. This includes the airfare back onto the field. Right now, this amount seems so large and I find it very discouraging. Knowing my calling helps give me the strength to persevere in this mission. What seems large to me is nothing to God. I know in my heart I have to try, I left a big piece of my heart on the mission field and what God has called me to I need to go and finish.
If you are able to help me get onto the mission field would you consider donating?
Praising the Lord for providing enough funds to cover my air fare back onto the field! I am still in need of donations to meet my next deadline which will allow me to return to the mission field and meet up with my teammates & squad, please if your able donate to wendybaer.theworldrace.org, scroll down on the left side to "support me." Thank you!
I want to honour my mother, I don't want to give up, I want to serve in the countries I was called to serve in, and I want to see my God provide in big ways that are beyond my understanding all for His glory.
My mother's favourite flower the Tigerlily, and her favourite verse- one
that I am clinging to.
