Swaziland: population about 1,000,000 – 250,000 are orphaned and vulnerable children (¼ of the population). It is home to the highest percentage of HIV positive people in the world, with treatment available, but they are too scared to ask for help. It is estimated that by 2050 the country might not exist due to the quickly decreasing population being killed off by this disease.
That’s where we went.
The dream contact on the World Race, the one you hear about before you even launch, the one all racers talk about: El Shaddai! It’s way on the top of a mountain in Swaziland with the most breathtaking view – and somehow, out of all the squads in Swaziland in April, we got chosen to be there. I was SO excited! I dreamed of playing with giggling kids all day long, hugging their necks, and sharing the love of Jesus with them.
But that’s not what I got.
I met Chief & Fana the first night we arrived. Chief played with the light on my watch for the entire night, and Fana persistently asked for my phone to play games on. They sat on my lap and didn’t talk much, but seemed to be somewhat excited about the month. The next week my heart was broken. I didn’t see Chief much, as he is such a shy boy, and Fana went from playing a card games with me to saying that he didn’t want to play with me at all.
Our ministry when the kids were out of school was simply to interact with and hang out with them. We tried to take them on walks, we organized game days, career days, water fights, etc. But getting the kids to participate was sometimes like pulling teeth. I was angry. This was the first orphanage I had ever been to and I did not like it. It was a sad, angry, broken place.
This just wasn’t what it was supposed to be! My heart was broken… but why?
We asked questions until we got answers. We learned that this orphanage gets World Race teams almost every single month – which gave me a new struggle. Was I doing more harm than help? Was I feeding the children’s attachment disorder just by being there, with them knowing that I would be leaving soon? Then we learned that Swaziland as a country doesn’t allow out of country adoption, which means when the kids come, they stay until they are old enough to support themselves. So it’s not so much an orphanage as it is a children’s home. I struggled with this too. Why did they have to be stuck there?
I remember about five days in, I finally conceded and brought my phone with some new games downloaded on it for Chief to play with. He had persistently asked for it and I just wanted a way to interact with him. If he heard that I didn’t have my phone then he would leave. But somehow, by bringing out my phone, a barrier broke and Chief started to interact with me. He started to laugh, and he started to show me his personality. He quickly stole my heart.
For the first time on the race I felt like I had to really process what was going on in my mind. So much hurt, anger, confusion. What was I doing here? I called my friend Kyla and poured out my heart – and explained my struggle with loving Chief. Was I doing more harm than good? How could I show him that Jesus loved him most and would never leave him? She said “in the end, it’s better to have experienced love and have it taken away, than to have never experienced love at all”.
So I dove in head first. I did everything I could to share the love of Jesus with him—the love that I was just now learning the full scope of. We drew together, we practiced spelling together. We played games together, we laughed and played cards, we went on walks, and took pictures together. Every time he saw me he would say “Cooodie” and that’s how I knew that he loved me too. He would hold my arms when we walked, and play with my bracelets when we sat. When it came time to say goodbye, I gave him a prophecy, and a letter – and his school book that we had practiced spelling and drawing in. I tied a bracelet on his wrist, and showed him how we matched now. I haven’t ever seen a smile so big.
We prayed for each of the children at El Shaddai, to give them hope for their future. I got to pray over Chief & Fana. And even though Fana didn’t ever build a relationship with me, I know that there was a purpose in us being placed together. For Chief, I got the verse Nehemiah 8:10 – “the joy of the Lord is your strength” – I wanted Chief to know that his un-ending joy comes from the Lord, who is also his source of strength. That he doesn’t have to look for security but he has it in Jesus. We had a routine when we said goodbye. I would ask if he gave hugs, and he would pause, shake his head yes, and then give me the longest hug. I would tell him I love him, and then ask who loves him most of all, and he would smile, point up, and say “Jesus”.
By the end of the month I knew that Chief was why I was there at El Shaddai. He gave me joy I have never seen, and he stole my heart. On the day we left some of the girls on our squad gave all of us prophecies they had prayed over us. Mine was Nehemiah 8:10 – that I have joy to share with others. A new found joy, in the love of Jesus.
I write all of this to say, please pray for Swaziland. Pray for the country to change their policy on adoption. Pray for El Shaddai; pray for long term missionaries to be called there to invest long term into the children’s hearts. Pray for the World Race teams going there, that they will see that it is better to love them well, and point them to Jesus. Pray for them to pour in even when they are angry, confused, sad, and broken. I did, and I am so glad.
