Being on a team with 5 other women that you didn’t know before training camp (that happened before this mission trip began) hasn’t been easy… but we have been learning how to be there for each other, how to call each other higher in Christ and, I’ve learned more about…
Love.
A couple days ago love came to me so tenderly.
I’ve been trying hard to love my team as a whole and each teammate individually… it’s been a process. Even 3rd month into our mission trip. I was trying so hard to love each one in a way to make sure they were each feeling loved. I got to the point that I wasn’t being myself. I would begin to try to be like the teammate I was trying to express love to. Thinking that if in one way or another I begin to be or do what they do (with them), they will feel loved by me! Right?
Wrong.
It began to drain me. I wasn’t being me. I began to feel frustrated with the results. After about 2-3 weeks of trying, it got to such a point that I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be alone.
I went outside on the steps in hopes I’d get some alone time. Which, a bit of background… alone time here is practically impossible! Our home is small with my team and I of 6, plus our 2 ministry hosts. It’s a floating village.. I can’t swim. Can’t go far. Even though my home is on the shore on dry land, I can’t really settle down under a tree or on the ground somewhere. Cause the current dry floor is the lake floor in wet season. It’s currently covered in growth (as you’ll see in my video) and so many bugs, bugs I’ve never seen before, snakes, red ants… everywhere. So if you’re fortunate, you may get some brief alone time on the stairs before the kids see you and come… or, you can always find alone time in the bathroom lol.
Anyways, I went outside in hopes of some alone time cause I was just at my end! I bring out my bible and headphones and I tell God, “I’m trying to love everyone but, I’m not even being me anymore and I’m tired and not happy!”
and then, not even a minute later!! …you guessed it, the children saw me and they ran up the stairs!
I thought, “oh come on!! I just want (and need!!) some alone time!!” …but what I didn’t realize, was that God showed up to express His love to me. This time, in His way.
The children came, with their pure innocence, gave me sweet hugs and kisses on the cheek and before I knew it, they were back down the stairs and into the vines. Squealing with excitement, pure joy, giggling, running here and there and before I realized what they were up to… one child runs up from under the stairs with a crown made out of vines and small wildflowers and places it on my head. Runs back into the vines. Another child behind her runs up and brings me a handful of leaves, vines, weeds… (I hate to say weeds right now cause I was so touched, I didn’t see them as weeds anymore). Then another followed with the same and they kept going back and forth…
I saw God in these children. He was loving me through them. He then spoke to my heart and said, “I love you and I’ve given you a crown and flowers!”
In this moment, I learned a lot about love!! Here’s what I learned;
1. Let others love you in the way that they express love to you/others.
2. Receive love when it comes to you even if it’s not your “love language”. Love will come in ways you won’t always expect.
3. Love each other but don’t forget who you are in the process. In the moment of expressing love, don’t try to be like the person you are trying to express love to just to give them that love. Because then, is it really authentic when you’re not who your are? At that moment is it true love or an act?
On the flip side;
Don’t let situations get to the point that a person trying to express love to you, finds themselves in the situation I was in. You don’t want to receive the kind of love I ended up giving (unintentionally). It’s not authentic. You also don’t want someone to change something about themselves just to express love because, it will backfire.
Also, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t love someone in the way that they feel loved. I believe it’s very important to do so as well!! It’s all about finding that healthy balance (on both ends) and understanding (from both sides). To not lose yourself in the process.
Keep in mind, when someone wants to express love to you in one way or another, a lot of times, thought goes into it. Their heart is in it, they’re excited and want to love you, they may prepare something, put time into it, who knows what else… and then, if you shoot it down just because that’s not how you may “give or receive” love, think about how it will make the other person feel…
God showed up to me on the steps through these precious children to express His love to me but, I almost got up and walked back inside.
If I would have, I would missed out on all of this… just look at their faces!!! a short video to let you in a raw moment of mine and for you to see what it looks like when someone is wanting to express love to you in a raw and authentic way.
Link -> …When He Gave Me Flowers https://youtu.be/1g6UkxW_nD4
Love well, receive love well and allow others to love you well.
