Photo: Hiking Prayer mountain in Gonaives, Haiti 
Just the thought of being vulnerable makes me cringe inside. It’s like the excruciating sound of someone running their fingers down a chalk board. However, vulnerability is something I believe the Lord is trying to teach me on this trip, to grow closer in community with my team. And without being vulnerable, you won’t understand why Elizabeth’s story left a mark on my heart.
Many of you may not know that adopting or fostering kids has been on my heart for a while but I haven’t gone through with it for several different reasons and fears. As I continue to go through the Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break bible study by Kelly Minter, I’ve felt God tugging on me to reevaluate my heart. Why am I afraid? Why am I making excuses? Are the excuses legitimate or coming from selfishness? When I pray about my fears and excuses, God is revealing that they are of selfishness. My fears consist of: what will others think of me? Will I be able to do it on my own without a husband? Should I continue to wait and do it when I’m married? What if he won’t want to marry me since I already have kids whom hey may not love the same? What if after pouring everything into these kids they would return back to that vicious cycle of generational sin of where they came from? Would I blame myself for their choices in adulthood? What if I lack the necessary skills to parent them?
As I work through this part of the Nehemiah study, God orchestrated a beautiful encounter. He has an interesting way of putting just the right people in my path, whom through their story break my heart, inspire and fill me with hope. One tenacious woman, let’s call her Elizabeth, whom I have had the privilege of encountering in Haiti has an incredible story of faith and persistence. As Elizabeth and her husband were in the process of adopting a few children with disabilities, her husband decided to have an affair and walked away from their marriage. Even though she was completely terrified of raising these kids on her own and feeling inadequate, she didn’t forsake these children like everyone had previously done. She raised these children on her own and poured into them the unconditional love of Jesus. Today, these children are now adults who have turned away from God, struggling and one in particular is repeating the vicious cycle of generational sin.
The beautiful thing is, Elizabeth cried out to God and continues to pray to this day for her adoptive children. God has reassured her not to worry nor blame herself. He has reminded her that she planted a seed in them and one day He will use their stories for His glory. Just like Nehemiah, who was persistent in prayer (He had been praying for about four months, before God opened a door for him to began the process of rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem), Elizabeth continues to pray and wait on the Lord patiently. What a woman of God!
What a reminder it has been to me not to let fear stop me. Yes it may not turn out like I imagine but He can turn pain into miracles. He can accomplish far more than my biggest dreams.
