Jesus and Cambodia: Living it

As I sit under the shade of a wood cabin, beads of sweat
roll off my upper lip. It is one of the shortest months in ministry yet and it
has only been a week since we started. It feels like we have been here forever.
I am tired of waking up sweating way more than I am tired of the squatty potty
and bucket showers. I have been asking God if a full time missionary is
something that I am called to. Can I live in a humid, one hundred degree heat
for the rest of my life? Or somewhere where they don’t off the comforts of
home?

 

Coconut trees line the dry rice fields. The clouds are
splotched in the blue sky. I thank God everyday for the breeze that passes
through often because without it I don’t know how I would survive. I climb the
mango tree to my normal spot that I sometimes go to meet God. It has been hard
for me to find intimacy with the Lord lately but I finally found it here. He
reminded me that I can do it with His help. I need to call on Him everyday to
find my strength and become the woman of God he has called to be.

 

I lean forward as I try to dry off my sweaty back. In the
meantime a huge pig walks by to take a break from his nap and scratch his back
on the ruff coconut bark. Eight ducks wattle by and begin searching through the
soft dirt for food. I wonder if they mourn the lost of their ninth member as he
was eaten for lunch just an hour ago. What is God teaching me? I have a hard
time with that question. But what I do know is that He is showing me what I am
going to be. He is showing me the power that I am going to walk in. He is
showing me that I can’t change without Him.

 

In the village the closest market only contains food and the
necessities. There isn’t much to see or do here. We have basically seen
everything that is close. Chris is playing a card game next to me as I read a
book. That is basically our life apart from ministry. God has been forming our
new community so well and fast. I thank God for the community that he has given
me that I probably wouldn’t have had at home.

 

We walked through a huge market the other day. Cambodians
were selling and buying. Raw meat and vegetables were everywhere you looked. My
stomach caught in my throat as I realized I don’t think I can handle this. The
Cambodian life really isn’t for me. God hasn’t given me a heart for the asian
people. He really hasn’t given me a heart for anywhere yet. So I wait patiently
for the place and purpose for which he will call me to after the race. For now…