This month in Cambodia has blown my mind. I was extremely excited to find out that I can was going to be working in a orphanage! The orphanage is called “New Hope For Orphans.” Background to our host we are serving alongside. Vandy was a orphan when he was a kid and has a lot of passion and hope for kids who don’t have families. He has adopted five of the kids! His orphanage so far holds thirty-nine kids from the ages of four to eighteen. The kids live in a one bedroom dorm that has bunk beds. They have mango trees everywhere! Vandy has a spot where the kids sit and learn English. The kids are loved on so well and have everything they need.
The moment I saw the kids I fell in love with them and Vandy’s ministry. Something in my heart started singing for joy. I had kids hugging me and holding my hands. I had kids trying as hard as they could to talk with me in English. I had kids stare at me and wave. I knew that I was right where I was suppose to be. Not a day has gone by where I don’t have a huge smile on my face! All I want to do is take the kids home with me! I have so much love for these kids. When I say my heart is full, I really mean it.
This month has also brought some things back up in me. Like many of you know, I was adopted at the age of eight. It’s not a easy process going through the feelings of being left. So my instant feelings for the kids has been wanting to show them so much love. The kind of love that I felt like I needed. In a way to remind them that even though things may not make sense that someone out there loves them so much. To make sure that they know that I have their backs. To make sure that they know that there is nothing wrong with who they are. To be that person that gives them the attention that they need because for a while I felt like I needed all of that myself. My heart breaks because I know exactly how they feel. I am also still, at the age of 22, walking through the process of healing of abandonment. I have already found myself crying a lot because I can’t give them all they need. If I had the money I would totally adopt them. It’s so hard loving on them when I know that in a month I will be gone again. I’ve been craving to fix all their problems. I know that I can’t do it. What I do know is that I serve such a loving God, who loves those kids way more than I can ever love them. He can satisfy their every need. Yes it breaks my heart. Yes it sucks because I can’t do it myself. It sucks to go through the process of healing myself because I don’t like pain. But I also know that what God has done in my life so far, He will also do in these little kids lives. It just may look different.
I knew that this month God was going to do big things. I even had a few people speak that over me. I thought that I was going to be healing over something else. Of course God had a different plan. Little did I know that it would be with orphans.
Please be in prayer as I am walking this journey of healing. It has sucked so much but is becoming something beautiful because I know that I will finally be able to walk in freedom.
Please pray for the kids. Some of them don’t have anyone to sponsor them.
Please pray for the healing of abandonment for the kids.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!!!
