I realize I haven’t exactly been very open with the details of my mission thus far, but I’m finding it difficult to form words lately (words are hard). So this is my crappy attempt to document not only a few lessons picked up from this past year, but also a very special experience that took place on the race recently.
This past year, I made it a priority to be as present as possible. However, I’m now realizing how this mindset may have worked in some ways to my detriment. And it’s in this beginning stage of processing that I’m just starting to feel the magnitude of all that I experienced this year. From trekking to Everest Base Camp to chasing lemurs around Africa’s island country, this past year has been nothing short of an adventure. And to be honest, I found myself craving this chaos and disorientation the more the year progressed. Plus it would drive me nuts to just sit around and watch life pass me by. The thought of merely existing makes my skin crawl. Although I’ve now grown accustomed to this lifestyle that I’ve established for myself, I realize that it won’t last forever. And while I may or may not continue to live life this way, I will say that it has given me the opportunity to figure out exactly what I want and don’t want out of this life.
The ability to open yourself up to the world is a beautiful thing; to connect with individuals from all different walks of life is one of the more humbling aspects of life, and it’s something I’ve grown to cherish over the years. This past year has taught me a lot, and it has brought out emotions and feelings within me that I never knew existed. And while this isn’t exactly a full synopsis of my life this past year, it’s certainly a start. And quite possibly a good one at that.
It’s been a week since my team touched down in Chile, and so far, we’ve been keeping ourselves busy through English teaching, evangelism, church, and pitching in anywhere we can. Marcos (aka Pastor Clown), our fearless leader, epitomizes what it means to walk in life for Christ. You can just see, in everything he does, how genuine his heart is for both Christ and the people of Calama, Chile. And since I’ve been here, getting to know Marcos and his family has been one of the most pleasing experiences to date. Needless to say, I have a lot to learn from them. And although I seem to be walking on eggshells with the Lord lately, it hasn’t discouraged me from seeking his presence in and around me. I’ve never done anything like this in my life. I’ve never prayed for people in public spaces before, I’ve never worshipped or prayed aloud before coming on the World Race, and while it does make me extremely uncomfortable at times and a bit weirded out, being in the presence of such humble souls has motivated me to work on the areas lacking in my relationship with the Lord. And while I haven’t always been a religious individual, I am slowly working on finding my comfort zone with Him. This journey that I’ve somehow managed to get myself into is something I foresee as being scary, but I’ve learned to find comfort in the things that scare me. And in the words of my favorite author to quote, Albert Camus, “Get scared, it will do you some good.” So essentially that’s what I intend on doing—getting scared. Because life’s too short to waste time wallowing away in comfort.
As I mentioned above, one experience in particular has significantly opened my eyes to the work of the Lord here in Calama. And the events of last night brought to the surface emotions in the pit of my heart that had remained dormant for quite some time.
It was around four in the afternoon, when Marcos approached my team about reaching out to the homeless community in Calama. He asked us if we could join him in offering bread and coffee to individuals in need of a little compassion. Without hesitation, my group accepted his request and became suddenly eager about the prospect of connecting with the homeless community here. Prior to our departure time at ten, I decided to take some time to decompress. My thoughts had been scattered all throughout the day, and I just needed some space to make sense of those thoughts. Lots of ideas and emotions have been circulating in and out of my mind lately, so it hasn’t exactly been easy concentrating on the tasks at hand. And while part of me believes that these thoughts have been spurred by recent events, a larger part of me believes that these thoughts have formed due to my failure to fully process the events of this past year. Looking back, I experienced a variety of feelings this year, feelings that I’ve never felt before, so trying to juggle the magnitude of such feelings along with the sights and sounds I’m currently immersed in has been quite an experience. But after taking the time to chip away at my processing, I felt both rejuvenated and motivated about proceeding with the night’s events.
One thing I’ve noticed during my time in Chile is that almost nothing takes place on time. Luckily, this hasn’t been too difficult to adjust to, especially since I believe it’s been teaching me patience and that good things take time. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Wow, Tori, how deep of you,” but actually these, five-minutes-late-to-the-market, type of scenarios sort of piggy-back off of what this past year has taught me, which has been learning to find profound meaning in even the smallest details of life. So as I was saying before, nothing in Chile happens on time, so it wasn’t surprising when we didn’t end up leaving until around 11 (way past my bed time). One of Marcos’s friends, Patricio, came along for the journey as he is no newcomer to showing compassion towards the homeless community.
As Marcos drove us around Calama, he pointed out a few clubs and bars where prostitution is known to take place. Apparently since Calama is a major mining city, some individuals are able to generate a comfortable income for themselves, which unfortunately, often gives rise to prostitution, drug abuse, and alcoholism. And although it’s never fun to hear about these types of things, it’s a reality of life.
It was not until about another 10 minutes had passed that Marcos pulled up to our first location. Initially I had my doubts, just because I had never thought about praying for the homeless, but once we were introduced to our first individual, my doubts were wiped away almost instantly. I watched as Marcos poured a cup of coffee for a gentlemen curled up in one of the corners of a nearby building. Marcos approached the gentleman with both coffee and bread in his hands and the gentleman was almost immediately receptive of Marcos’s efforts. It amazed me at how comforted the gentleman seemed to feel by Marcos’ presence, and I was touched by how beautifully the whole encounter went down. I mean, when you think about it, it’s sort of amazing at how easy it is to brighten someone’s day with a mere smile. And it was in that moment that I thought about all the hate circulating around the world and how the source of hate often revolves around sheer ignorance. It doesn’t take a lot of effort, simply a willingness to communicate with others in an open and respectful manner. And while I know the world isn’t soft and cushy and this solution is easier said than done, it’s a small approach that is capable of producing enormous results. All in all, Marcos’ initiative taught me the importance of being a source of support for people instead of a source of negativity. It’s easy to say you want to promote change, but words are just words if there is no action to back them up.
As the night progressed we found ourselves provided with opportunity after opportunity to share our love with individuals who have nothing but kindness in their eyes and compassion for others despite the misfortune of their circumstance. And while I found myself drawn to several of the individuals my team met last night, there was one individual in particular that had me smiling from ear to ear throughout our entire exchange. Naturally, Patricio was the only Spanish-speaking individual among the four of us gathered outside this man’s mattress fortress (aka house), so we let him do all the talking. When we first approached the man’s house, we were greeted by his loyal guard dogs. Patricio summoned the man from his home so that we could offer him some coffee and bread. As the man peeked his head out from the side of his home, I immediately noticed his enormous, kind-eyes. And as Patricio got to talking with him, I could sense how much passion this man had for the Lord. You could tell that this man was so appreciative of our small act of compassion. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what the man said, but it was the most touching experience watching this man speak with such a twinkle in his eye. I left that night with such a warm feeling in my heart, and I found it difficult to fight back tears whenever I’d notice a faint droplet of water depart from a crevasse of the man’s eye and trickle down his sunken cheek. I witnessed so much beauty last night, and being able to offer support for these individuals was an experience I wouldn’t have traded for the world.
I am not yet certain of my purpose on this journey, but what I am certain of is my placement on this journey. It took me a week of thoughtlessness and blank stares to finally put my experiences into words. And while words do not always accurately portray an experience(s) to a tee, they help in providing a bit of insight and scope into the intricacy of one.
