This journey into the World Race has been just that, a journey.
There’s been a lot of walking (in what often felt like darkness), a lot of direction-seeking, a lot of learning, and a lot of waiting along the way. Two years ago, I put these words and thoughts to paper as I sat in restlessness with the waiting, wondering how long it would last. Maybe you find yourself waiting – for a dream, a desire, a hope, a prayer, an answer, direction – may you find a bit of encouragement here.
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8
I find myself in a season of waiting.
There are moments where I see how this season in time is so good, even great.
But for the most part I really want this season to be over and for the next season to begin.
All my heart wants to do is go.
Go now.
Not wait.
I’m pretty sure God knows this too because I tell Him almost every day. Okay, I tell Him every day.
Right now, I’m fortunate enough to work for a small Christian college in New England. I get the chance to invest in and love on college students. I get to hear their hopes, their dreams and encourage them to pursue Jesus in the midst of exams, cafeteria food, and the but–do-you-think-he-likes-me moments.
I love that.
I get to talk with high school students trying to figure out their next step after senior year. We have conversations about majors and minors, SAT scores and what it’s like to have a roommate. Not too long ago, I had the privilege of ninja-dancing on a Saturday morning with five hundred teens in Virginia.
What’s better than that?
In moments when I’m talking face-to-face with a student over tea or a chicken burrito, I would probably say nothing’s better. This is what it’s about. This loving-each-other-thing that Jesus mentioned a few times. And it’s awesome.
But, as our college community gathered together during a recent chapel the thought, “Yes, it can get better than this.” hurried its way into my mind again.
Two young female alumni shared their stories. One young woman is preparing to serve in China as a teacher. The other is on furlough from ten months in the Dominican Republic, where she is Momma to seven girls in a home for children. Like, what? Yes.
As they shared their stories I felt my heart smiling with joy and my spirit stirring.
I glanced down at my wrist and reread in hand scrawled cursive the word, wait. The ink already dark against my February-white skin, yet I retraced it once again with my pen. As if the slow repetitious movement would help solidify this word—this season—in my mind, but even more so in my heart, my spirit.
The thing is, I want my earthly possessions to amount to no more than what can fit in a backpack. I want to watch the sun rise atop high peaks in South America. See blue-green lights dance ribbons across starlit skies in northern Europe. Hike paths worn bare by the seeking footsteps of thousands of pilgrims before me. I want to speak unfamiliar words that stumble clumsily from my tongue in Africa. I long to hold the sleeping form of a precious, no-longer-orphan in my arms; whispering God’s words of worth over them as they rest safely, knowing at last they have someone who calls them mine, loved, valued, and treasured.
Things I don’t want to do—wait.
But I do wait, because I believe even more than living a life of adventure, God calls us to live lives of radical obedience. Now, I know my obedience means staying, and waiting for the going.
And I’m finding that waiting is not passive. There’s a lot of action in the waiting seasons of life. I read repeatedly in Scripture, wait patiently for the Lord, let your heart take courage, trust in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
Patience takes more determination than we often acknowledge. Patience is a practice, it doesn’t just happen. Patience is cultivated and developed over time. Leaning into the practice of patience, leaning into the waiting, that’s courageous. With courage we entrust our lives, our futures, our hopes and dreams, all into the perfect timing and wisdom of the God of the universe. We trade in any control we think we might have for humbling hope and trust in Jesus—His promises, His omnipotence.
I will wait patiently. I will wait actively, leaning into God and what He has for right now.
In the deep, honest parts of my heart I know in this season of waiting, loving God through my obedience is worth far more to Him than my willingness to jump up, drop everything and venture into the unknown.
More than wanting to go, I want God. I want to know God, love Him and live close to Him—wherever, whenever, and however He asks.
In time, I trust I’ll see the beauty within this waiting and the significance of this season. It’s tough to wait, but I don’t wait alone and I don’t wait sitting on my hands. God is present in the waiting and we will actively wait together, preparing for the next season to begin, trying hard not to wish away right now.
Jesus, I don’t want to miss it—the gift of this moment, these people, this place. Today is your promise, tomorrow is my hope. Help me hold onto the hope, while living fully and thankfully in the promise.
Written February 2014
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