Normally, Jesus gives me the perfect words to write, the words that I know that come from Him, and that’s why I started blogging while I was on the adventure in Thailand. When He gives me words to write, I reread it and say “Thank you Jesus, I’m the one that needed to hear that.” I say, “You’re the author, I’m just the messenger. You’re the Almighty, and I’m grateful that I’m Your daughter.”
I’ve been staring at this blank page for the last two months, speechless. Not speechless of no words to write, but speechless of the words that aren’t blah, the words that are full of life.
I know that I need to update people on my life, update people on this adventure that God’s given me, but I don’t want to be that person that “sugarcoats” everything. I want to tell the truth, I want to see my glass half full, but lately its half empty. It grieves me.
God’s given me the opportunity to travel to 11 DIFFERENT countries to tell the World about HIM! I should constantly be happy, and excited that God chose me, out of millions of people, He chose ME.
But how can I be so stressed? How can I be confused why God chose me? Why do I want to hide from his plan? I’ve said no to the World Race since I got back from Thailand in 2012, why did I say yes now? Am I really chosen for the Race? Am I really chosen to fundraise all my life for missions; I hate asking people for money? Why can’t I be the person that finds the job near my home, near my comfort zone, near the people that have known me the longest?
I hate feeling like this. God shows up to me all the time, and reminds me that He WILL provide, but why can’t I still trust Him? Why is it taking everything in me to remember that He will provide? Verse after verse the Bible says that He will provide, that He is the Provider, 73 verses to be exact. But it is still hard to wrap my mind around.
Through the chaos, through the doubts, I still have peace; and that is Jesus’ favorite way of romancing me, through His peace. When I’m doing what is right there is Peace. Peace in the Chaos, such a blessing. Reminds me that He loves me, that He will provide, that He chose me, that I am His beloved, and He is mine.
In the name of Jesus – remove the doubts, remove the questioning about the race, remove the fears of the race, remove all that hinders my Spirit about going.
I’m lucky that He chose me. I’m thankful that He chose me.
I want to be the light in the darkness, in those 11 countries. I want to show people how AWESOME Jesus is.
