January 1, 2015. 8 a.m.
WAIT…what?
Daughter, it is my timing. My plans are better than yours. Why do you have a hard timing trusting Me?
There are no flights that early, so I’ll have to spend MY New Year’s Eve, in an AIRPORT. I lost my breath when I read that, I hoped for January 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th…or even the 8th…anything but January 1st. MY New Years Plans, MY nephew’s birthday, I can’t miss that, I’m already missing so many things in 2015…
Have faith in Me, My Child. My Bride, I’ll never forsake you. I have plan for YOU in 2015 that you can’t do without Me.
That got me. Who am I kidding?
MY stubbornness, MY hopefulness of MY own plans in MY timing, MYSELF was keeping me from being EXCITED about glorifying God’s Kingdom in ELEVEN COUNTRIES! I get to be God’s hands AND feet while showing His love to women forced into prostitution, orphaned children, communities who have never heard the name of Jesus. I get to bring Jesus’ name throughout the world, because HE chose me.
I mean, I should want to leave tomorrow; I should want to leave now? What is holding me back? Myself.
I can begin to make a list of each thing I need before I leave in 28 days, or I could say how much money I need, but I’m learning to take it to God. God is a God who provides, He is a comforter, He is my Shepherd, He is my Love.
Again and again, I say “God, are you there? You have been asking me for TWO years to go on the World Race, I say yes, now come on? Where is the money I need, where is the gear I need? I’m waiting, haven’t I surrendered enough? I’ve said yes to you. I’m trying, please show me.”
I knew signing up for the Race would be challenging, I knew it would open me to a whole new level of Trust, Faith, Love, and all else with God, but I never knew it would be so much before I leave…if I’m leaving? Am I?
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20
Do I need to go on a different route a different time? Do I need to just cave to Satan’s lies and say no more of this? After I’ve told all these people that I’m leaving in January for 11 months, what will I say if I’m here? Will that make people doubt God’s plan for their lives? Will I doubt even more what God has planned? I said yes, so why would He back down and not provide?
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
Satan gives doubts multiple times a day, every day of the week, and yet, God STILL finds His way to show us truth, even when I fail to pursue him, He never fails to pursue me.
“Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long put my hope in you.” Psalm 25:5
I know 2015 will be challenging, but I didn’t expect 2014 to be while I’m preparing to leave. This is just the BEGINNING!
I hope and pray that God knocks down barriers that will only draw me closer to Him, and form me into the Woman of God I’m made to be. Right now, I feel like I am at the top corner of a barrier. I keep pushing and pushing, but I’m only hitting the corner because I’m not fully surrendering. If only I fully surrender, I will be able to push it down, the WHOLE thing.
Daddy, Abba, Comforter
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I am stubborn. I am sorry I had my own plans, my own timing. I am sorry that I am scared to trust You in everything I do, and everything You have planned for me.
Please continue to pursue me. I want to know You. I want to see You. I want to be used to glorify Your Kingdom. I want to fall in love with You more than ever before.
Please show me what to do with fundraising. Please show me your ways. Please be the Provider. Please teach me to have faith.
Love you Daddy. Teach me to love You more everyday. Teach me to trust in You, and have faith in You.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in
Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
