Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to speak at a prison ministry. It wasn’t something that I was eager to do, but I knew that God had words to speak through me.
I opened up and told my testimony. Just because I was from America, doesn’t mean life hasn’t been hard. I was real with each of the inmates, I laid it all on the table.
I told them I am working on forgiving someone, who hurt me so much, up until this day – because of the hurt that he/she caused my family and I.
I told them how hard it is to forgive people, when they hurt you and the people you love. I told them that I lost my trust in God because of what happened. I kept asking God, “If you love me, why? Why would you let this happen?”
I hated seeing my family hurt, and I never wanted to put extra burdens on my parents, so I never really opened up about anything going on in my life. I’d hold it all in, then would God-vomit* when I was least expecting it.
I began talking about the race, and what God was doing in my life now. Some of the things I am conquering with my Father’s grace are putting my trust in Him, forgiveness, and surrendering.
TRUST:
You’ve heard this from me before. I have been learning how to trust my Father since the beginning of the race, and even prior. Even when I run, He pursues.
Proverbs 29:25 “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.”
God can turn the harm and hurt from others into good when we trust in Him.
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
FORGIVENESS:
Forgiveness when people hurt you or you hurt someone is hard, and I’ve been learning how to forgive. It’s hard not having remorse, when someone has hurt you so much.
Psalm 65:3 “Though we are overwhelmed by our sings, you forgive them all.”
Psalm 86:5 “O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.”
In Matthew 18, Peter asked God how many times do you have to forgive one person, and He answered with “seventy times seven” – meaning that no matter how many times that person sins, you must forgive.
I’ve heard that verse over and over again, but Wednesday, June 10, it really struck me. No matter how many times this person has hurt me, I have to forgive.
Just as Christ forgives me everyday, for each sin of mine.
That is a lot of forgiveness, grace, and unconditional love.
Christ loves sinners. Christ loves me. Christ loves each person that has hurt you.
Romans 3:22-24 “We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.”
SURRENDERING:
I’ve been learning to trust God, but also surrendering. Learning to surrender my worries, doubts, and fears. That He loves my family and those dearest to me, more than I could ever think about.
I use, “I love you to the moon and back,” but God says “I love you more than the countless number of stars; more than the countless numbers of pieces of grass; I love you more than you can even comprehend.”
Although it’s an everyday reminder, I can still say “I trust in You, God,” which makes me one step closer in surrendering those closest to me.
I ended with challenging each person at the prison if there was someone they needed to forgive – whether it was themselves, the person that hurt them, or who they hurt.
I also challenged them by asking if there was anyone that they needed to surrender to God, because that is the best place for that person to be.
Psalm 40:3 “He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.”
Blessings come from trials, just like the Lord is teaching me that the person that hurt me is a blessing.
Leading up to me sharing my testimony, I was filled with lies. Lies about why God wanted me to share, but also lies that each person that heard me talk would just turn their head and not listen to anything.
It left me speechless and unmovable, I was scared. I was scared because I was going to talk to inmates about forgiveness, when I hadn’t really forgiven the person that hurt my family and I.
I never thought I’d say this, but June 10, 2015 is a day I’ll always remember. At a prison in Lesotho, I forgave someone.
*sidenote: When God bursts your mouth open and words flow out.
