Jehovah is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? Jehovah is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1 ASV)
Tonight God spoke to me through a 5th grader, a special boy who calls me Baboon so he could be chased, tickled, and hugged. A boy who wishes to be a pastor when he’s older, a boy who already writes sermons. A boy who has a hunger and thirst for God.
A night I will never forget. A night that reminded me how big our God is. A night that reminded me of God’s love for each person. A night that reminded me why I am on the race. A night that reminded me why my heart longs to do ministry – so I can share these stories with people who have doubts of who our God is and how He loves.
I knew today would be different with Ayanda, because of his lack of trying to tease me, and the laughter that I always love hearing. I began trying to tickle and hug him, but I couldn’t get that smile. I wanted to see him run yelling “Baboon! Baboon!!”
(He calls me Baboon, I call him Monkey – so he’s acting like a monkey!) 🙂
But it didn’t work. There was no desire of being loved or getting attention. But I heard God say, “love him anyways. I love you every day, not just your best.” I decided to just put my arm around him and love him, he eventually grabbed each hand with his.
Even when there were no words, I could feel the comfort. Even when there were no words, I knew he loved me. Even when there were no words, I had a sense of belonging – in that moment I knew I was exactly where I was suppose to be.
A few minutes after hearing the older kids talking about something they saw the night before, I had an urge to ask him if he was okay.
“I’m scared.”
I normally don’t pray out loud, unless told or with my squad, but I had an urge and an overwhelming peace that he needed to hear it, he needed to hear God’s words through me. After praying I had a desire to listen to worship songs, so we began singing “God of this City!” Because of the loud noise of my phone, a few more kids joined in, but because of people around we decided to go to a quieter area.
Within a few minutes I was sitting on the hard concrete in the dark with two boys on my lap, a boy on each side of me, and another one who was holding my hand. As we were listening and singing to worship music I could feel them all get more comfortable, they found the peace they were looking for. I couldn’t be at happier, calmer place on Earth. I was where I belonged, I was at El Shaddai in May of 2015 and I couldn’t be more thankful.
While listening to the music, Ayanda decided to get on my bible and go to Psalm 27. We read it out loud together, and remembered the truth.
Jehovah is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? Jehovah is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1 ASV)
Through the storm, through the chaos, through the questioning – God still comforts, He still protects, He is still strong. He still loves, He still speaks truth. Why should we be afraid, we already know who wins the battle – our King reigns forever and ever.
Even when we question, even when the storm rages, even when we have fear, like Ayanda did – You still pursue. Ayanda reminded me of myself, I have had fear in the battle, I have been flooded with lies, while my Father has still pursued me,
God is a God who pursues. A God who comforts. A God who protects. A God who refines. A God who has me at His best interest. A God who has perfect timing. A God who guides. A God who mourns when I mourn. A God who is proud of me, even when I feel ashamed and broken. A God who speaks life. A God who is love.
Daddy, Thank you for pursing me when I didn’t want to be pursued. Thank you for talking to me, even when I don’t have the ears to listen. Thank you for loving me, and reminding me that You are in control of each thing in my life. Thank you for using precious Ayanda to remind me how much You love.
