You may be wondering how I am doing since officially leaving my favorite place in the world – Kampong Thom, Cambodia.
The answer: I’ve been better, but God is showing me that His love, His joy, His peace, His faithfulness is so much better than anything in Kampong Thom, or Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, or even in central Illinois.
I knew that Vietnam was going to be hard, but rewarding.
Rewind: During squad debrief in Phnom Penh, we spent a day with FSquad a team that is on their 9th month of the World Race, and God gave me a vision. I assumed that since I was praying for FSquad that it was for them, but I was wrong.
I saw a field of wildflowers with me standing in the middle of it, but the field was full of weeds, as well. Weeds because I was lacking the confidence that God was trying to give me – confidence in my spiritual gifts, confidence of the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father, confidence in the bible, confidence in the truth the Lord has given me.
After I saw the field, a massive storm began – lightning, thunder, and rain – and in time, the weeds began to leave. During the storm I grew in confidence, I wasn’t scared to stand, I wasn’t scared to lay down, I wasn’t scared to dance. I wasn’t scared to sing. The storm brought freedom. The storm brought joy. The storm brought a love for God that I’ve never experienced. The storm made the real Victoria.
I don’t know how long there is a storm, but I learn to cling to God. I learn to trust God. I learn to hold on to Him. I learn to rely on Him with all that I have. I learn that He is all I need. I learn that He is my pure joy. I learn that He is my pure happiness.
“…Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” Hebrews 6:18-19
WOW God. How long will this storm last? I don’t know how long I’ll be able to last, because it sounds hard. I want the promises of the after storm, but will the storm be worth it? Teach me to cling to You. Teach me to call upon Your name, and Your name only.
“You will grow so much in this storm, but listen to Me as I ask a few more things of you before the storm starts.”
1. Less than a week later, God said, “you won’t be back in Cambodia until you long for Me more.” Um, really God? Really? – I felt like that was right when the storm hit. It was when the truth hit.
Although I learned so much from God while I was in Cambodia, I went to people first rather than Him. I found my love and joy through people, because of their love for God that radiated each time I talked to them.
2. A day later, a teammate suggested that we fast something this month while in Vietnam, so we can fully rely on God and learn to trust in Him. I have never seen Cambodia written so clearly from God. Fasting Cambodia means, no more reminiscing through pictures, the memories, talking about everything that happened last month, talking about my return, the songs we sang, everything.
“Ha ha ha, God – what else do I have to get rid of for this storm to come? How many things can I handle?”
“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
3. Throughout the week in Vietnam, I have been learning to submit to my teammates, by trusting in them because God can speak through them. Trusting my teammates meant I was learning to trust in God, as well. Laying down my pride of wanting to lead, wanting to have a bigger impact – and just letting others lead. God’s reminding me that this is similar to the journey with God – having to submit and lay down our own plans, our own pride – because He has something SO much better for us.
I can still say that I wouldn’t have changed a thing about last month, because it was all worth it – even through the storm that is coming. God knew Cambodia would be life-changing for me, but He knew that the next thing for me – the storm – will be worth it all too.
God is a life-changing adventure.
