“You’re the Lord of this nation, You are. You’re the light in this darkness. You’re the hope to the hopeless. You’re the peace to the restless, You are. There is no one like our God.”
The song, “God of this City” has been my theme song this month, because of the truth it spoke when I felt inadequate. I’ve been feeling helpless; I’ve been feeling restless. I’ve been feeling hopeless. I’ve been feeling like I’ve failed this month, it’s by far been the hardest month.
Throughout these five months, I’ve realized a few things regarding ministry and my squad.
- I open up and am more vulnerable with the ministry oppose to my squad.
- I build really fast relationships at ministry, and they become some of the deepest relationships I’ve had.
- It’s easier to speak life into people at the ministry than my squad.
We have conversations that God is involved in every way – from the beginning of our testimony to what He is doing now to even showing how much He loves us. Not that my squad doesn’t, but it’s easier for me with other people – and I found out why this month.
Because I build such deep relationships fast, I become someone people can trust – which draws people in so I hear even more than I expected. Its been a blessing – in that sense that I can pray and ask God for words of encouragement. I can remind them of the BIG God we serve, someone who chooses and prefers. I can encourage them to find how God pursues them, and run with it – because when you do its easier to see the truth and the beauty in the chaos.
Except, when I encourage and speak truth into their lives – God is doing the same to me. The words that I have been speaking to the ministry are the same words that God is telling me. Not only have I been God’s messenger, I’ve been the receiver as well.
While I was trying to understand why I dig in deep to ministry rather than my squad, and trying to understand and find ways that I can help them myself – I felt hopeless.
One night, I was sitting on the large rock just watching God’s beauty, and asking Him – “where are You?” “Why did you pick me to be a safe place for people?” “I feel helpless, help me.”
Then I noticed in the sky, there were 9 stars that made a heart, while 4 of them made a cross! “These are for you. Your love is this size, but My love overflows the sky – the sky is not big enough for My love. I’m in the city, I’m in each of the kids at El Shaddai, I’m in you, I’m in your family, I’m in every place where I’ve broken your heart for what breaks Mine.”
I began reminding people of what God told me. I started showing them the heart and cross at night, and said “when you don’t understand, when you feel helpless, why you feel hopeless – look at this heart. My love and how much I care for you is the size of the heart, but God’s love overflows from the sky. God loves you and chooses you, everyday. Don’t forget that.”
I was able to learn who God is on a different level, and how big His love is by reminding other people. When I reminded other people, I was also reminded.
