I’ve heard – and read on blogs – that the World Race is full of authentic, vulnerable and sometimes a “tough love” type of community. So let’s just jump right in … Starting with vulnerability.
I have an issue with appearance and insecurity. Do I know why? Nope. Have I had it my whole life? Yep, as long as I can remember.
I see a picture of myself and instantly start critiquing it, pointing out all of the things I don’t like. I hesitate going places I’ve never been because I worry about what others will think of me. I trap myself between comparison to others and unrealistic standards. The result: I make myself flat out miserable.
It’s the dumbest thing ever, really it is. Like why can’t I just be okay with the way God made me? Seriously, why? Even as I “blog it out” and think about all of this I realize what a weird thing (I don’t even know what to call it) this is.
About two months ago I had an experience I will forever remember as, “the day Jesus told me I was beautiful.” I totally believed Him, and I still do! It was one of the most intimate experiences I’ve ever had with Him; it was actually over the course of a four day weekend and I will never forget it. But now that I’ve come down the mountain, the weeds have found their way back into my thought process and I’m having a hard time getting rid of them.
I know I carry a Heavenly beauty, a beauty that far outweighs the standards of my temporary home. I know the Lord intricately stitched me together, every tiny piece, even the ones I don’t like. I know all of those scriptures we quote at weddings, in women’s groups and at retreats; I know them and I believe them.
My point here is this: The enemy has taken captive our definition of beauty, he has raised the bar to a ridiculously high standard none of us ever will reach.
Here is my second point: My worth and my value are not based on my outward appearance … whether I think I look good in my selfies or not. On days I choose to nit-pick and criticize myself, my beauty is still there. Even when I choose to believe the lies, my beauty does not change.
Want to know why it doesn’t change? It’s because my God doesn’t change. He is eternal, everlasting and unaffected by the ways – and crazy emotions – of my human heart.
Lord, forgive me for all the times and ways I’ve believed I wasn’t beautiful. Forgive me for all the lies I spoke over myself and for all the lies I let others speak over me. Change my heart. Change my perspective. Unleash even more of Your Heavenly Beauty on me (& all of my sisters who have this struggle). You are a good, good Father. Let me never forget that.
My prayer is that Jesus would uproot those nasty, terrible lies I choose to believe. (Even though I will probably regret it later because it will be painful.)
Because He cares,
-V
