It’s only month two and how can I want to run already? I feel shame thinking letting alone writing that question. I have dreamt of this thing called the World Race for three years and now two months in all I want to do is run. Honestly, I want to find the nearest airport, buy a plane ticket home and run to the comforts of home. How can that be? It’s getting too deep, raw and real. I have never felt so exposed before and at times I don’t know how to process of what is happening in and around me.
It can be due to the fact that the Lord is really growing and stretching. He is taking away what is comfortable to me. I can no longer hide in the comforts that I have at home. When things became hard at home or I became frustrated with the actions of another I could simply escape into social media, Netflix or just drive and blast rock music. I don’t exactly have those options here in Nepal while living in the mountains among fifteen other people. If something or someone really irritates me I cannot simply escape because guess what? They will probably be around the corner or lying in the same room as me. To be frank, it’s freakin hard living in constant community day in and day out.
This has been a huge adjustment for me because I am one whom has always claimed that I avoid conflict and love when others are in harmony around me. However, I am learning slowly but surely that that was false harmony. That was me ignoring and pushing things under the rug so I wouldn’t have to face the reality of my sinful self or that not everyone is going to like me all of the time and that it’s ok!
Life on the World Race is not easy or comfortable. I want to run so fast but then there is this tug that I feel on my heart to stay be obedient to what the Lord has is store. Yes, I may miss being able to choose my own foods, a shower with good water pressure, western toilets, my ‘precious’ alone time and my loved ones back home. BUT through the wise words of a squad leader I am coming to the realization that I feel entitled to have all of those things! So what if I don’t get to choose what I eat BUT at least I have three big square meals a day. Yes, the water pressure sucks BUT it’s a hot water! Oh how I miss my alone time BUT I am learning how much I used to escape and run from the hard things of life by claiming that I ‘need’ alone time. Yes, not being able to see loved ones around the holidays sucks (especially with how much of a Christmas freak I am) BUT this time away from them has given me a whole new appreciation for my family and friends.
Living in community with my team has opened my eyes to the reality of what true harmony can look like. I believe that it is something that I will continue to explore as the race goes on but I am so thankful that the Lord is pushing me and that I do want to run. It means that I am growing and I am choosing to stay and rest in that. I will no longer run. I want to be one who faces the challenges that happen in life.
So even though all I may want to do is pack up my bags and rush back my comforts I am choosing to stay. I want to see this thing called the World Race through.
