Can boys and girls be friends?
I never thought I would say this…I do believe that they can.
Guy friendships. It has always been a foreign concept to me. I thought it was only possible if I was dating a guy and then became friends with his friends. But then once we broke up I never talked to those guys again.
Now there have been a few exceptions in my life to this thought process. But even with those men…I still kept them at a distance. I never let them see the real me or let them past the walls that I have built up.
I always claimed that the man who would get past those walls would be the next guy I date or maybe even my husband (I can’t even imagine that right now). They had their work cut out for them because I was showing no mercy.
These walls were built up from me being hurt by guys who claimed to be just a friend…then we would date…then we would break up. I began to believe that guys could truly not be just a ‘friend’. They always wanted more and I was tired of giving more just to please them.
I shut myself off to any true guy friendship because I never truly experienced a healthy one. I didn’t think it was possible.
The world tells us that guys are just after sex. They are jerks and have commitment issues. They only have one thing on their minds all the time. They don’t talk about feelings or don’t have them at all. Lies. All of it.
Now don’t get me wrong, some guys are after just sex. Some are jerks and won’t commit until the world is almost ending. Some hate and won’t talk about their feelings. But there are some women out there we could describe as the same…but we all have our faults. No one is perfect.
However, on this thing called the World Race God has truly begun to redeem male and female friendships and guys in general for me.
It can work folks, but you need one thing to be at the center of it…Christ.
For the first six months I was on an all girls team. Yes, I was pushed out of my comfort zone but I was still ‘safe’ with a group of girls. I knew how it worked for the most part.
Then team changes happened and guess who ended up on a coed team? Me…
I freaked out for the first few weeks and to be honest was really quiet. I didn’t know how to act or what to say to the guys on my team without feeling stupid or too much.
With the wonderful encouragement from the ladies on my team I began to pray into how to further these friendships beyond the surface level. I mean I had 5 months with these guys…what could it hurt?
Slowly but surely I began to have more and more conversations with them. I sought out time to spend with them and the team in general. I was determined not to cut myself off from seeing this thing through.
I never realized how much joy and laughter I would share with Sam, Marlin and Jonathan (and Daniel for a little bit). I have learned quite a few lessons from them about how guys operate and how they pursue the Lord in their own unique way.
Not only have I pursued a friendship with them but they have returned the favor. And guess what? They are not looking for more than that. MIND BLOWN.
They are pointing me back to Christ and loving me in a way that is all their own. For example…it was a certain time of the month for me (you know what I am talking about) and guess who went out and bought me pads and chocolate?! Marlin and Jonathan! I asked for the pads thinking they would never agree but instead they agreed before I even finished the question. And brought back chocolate as a surprise.
They are thoughtful, kind, generous, loving, funny and so much more. I am beyond thankful that God has put me on a team with these three men who are pursuing the Lord on this crazy adventure called life.
Now I’m not saying I’m an expert in this or anything. All I can say is what I have recently experienced.
I used to overthink every interaction I had with a male. Asking questions like…What does he want from me? What does that mean? Why would he say it like that?
I’ve realized I don’t need to ask those questions if Christ is at the center. I look to get to know them simply as a person. I try to love them the best I can with Christ leading me.
No man or woman is perfect. We are sinful human beings that are going to mess things up. But there is this thing called Grace. Give yourself and those around you some of it. There are some amazing men and women out there who are worth getting to know. You never know what you will learn or experience from them!
Can guys and girls be friends?
Yes, I believe they can if Christ is at the center.
