…I sat down at our little green kitchen table and began by thanking Holy Spirit for refreshing my soul. Now it was time to get to work, but where was I supposed to start? Coming off a fresh determination to thrive I decided to attack the things that were brought up while I was anxious. The insecurities that, in all honesty, I’m ashamed of.
Walk in the freedom that I’ve given you new eyes to see.
Daddy, the negative thoughts that I have about myself. They don’t honor you. I know that they come up when I get really anxious and it becomes consuming when I feel like I’m vulnerable and exposed; because what if someone sees who I really am and doesn’t want anything to do with me?
There it is. My fear of being alone, but more than just alone- rejected for being me.
Instantly I knew why that fear felt so real.
It’s from all the times that my natural response to a situation was met with rejection or anger; because I was supposed to “lighten up”, or be funnier, wittier… in general be the “most ____” for anything and everything. It stems from all the times that I’ve felt like I had to change who I was or what I wanted to meet someone else’s expectations. It was from every time I changed myself so that I might be accepted or told that I was good enough.
Then I heard His sweet voice…
In Thailand, when I stopped telling you who you were and started telling you about Me, you needed that so that now you can believe me when I tell you this: I will never stop loving you. I will never turn you away.
I’m not afraid of your mess and your brokenness. I’m not in the business of fixing your broken pieces; I’m in the business of total restoration, of bringing you to a fullness that you never thought possible. There is no “one size fits all” mold that I’m trying to shove you into. I have a “Victoria” mold that I am inviting you to step into. I will never force you to go farther than you’re willing and I will never ask you to go anywhere that I’m not.
That was a good day.
But what might makes it even more beautiful is that this isn’t special to me. Our God is so creative that “one size fits all” does not exist for Him. He has no need for it and, because of Him, neither do we. In the states we are constantly being told how we should look and act and speak. We want to be independent but in our world of constant comparison we measure ourselves next to an unrealistic standard and then wonder why, even when we reach our goals, it’s never enough.
How different would our lives look if instead of holding ourselves to a “be the best at everything” standard we strived to be more of the men and women of honor that we are created to be? What if we celebrated the differences that we were designed to have?
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15
